Tool jerk, tool jerk, tool jerk, tool jerk,
When you fail at bat you can always pull a tool jerk,
When you fail at bat you can always pull a tool jerk,
When at bat you are all struck out.

Need a bit of pornography,
One nine-hundred get some phone sex chat,
Tune in the Playboy channel on TV.
When a headache knocks her off her feet,
Scorin' chances lookin' bleak,
So in cases when your lover shirks,
You can always do that thing called the tool-ol jerk.

Ooooh, tool jerk, tool jerk, tool jerk, tool jerk, ah ah ah...
Eroticized hookers all gonna make you drool,
But a peep can provide just the right tool,
Uh, oh ow, uh, oh ow, when chockin' a goose, or beatin' a drum.
When you are not getting some, opt for a tool-ol jerk.

It's like beatin' on some drums by yourself there,
Just need to keep it at a steady pace and don't alternate.

Awwwww You're cookin' baby
Ummm You're smokin'
UmmmmUmmmmmUmmmm
You feelin' ruddy give the gear a pull,

Awwwww do it to it, do it to it, do it to it,
Do it to it, do it to it, do it to it, do it to it,
Do it to it.

Tool jerk come on people,
Tool jerk come on people,
Tool jerk come on people,

(Repeat and fade)