mean mrs. crabtree
she drives the bus
she screams at us
when we get too loud
driving wild to give us a scare
has a bird that lives in her hair
smells a lot, but she doesn't care
she's a dirty ol' bag

mean mrs. crabtree
her teeth are green
with space between
you should hear her shriek
in her kootch you'll find room to hide
a phony kenny crawled up inside
it is no surprise that he died
she's a dirty ol' bag
such a dirty ol' bag

well you should see handicapped tim
he's in a wheelchair but it don't bother him
when he sings with his band
the people don't give a damn
that he doesn't have control of his limbs
yeah yeah yeah
yeah yeah yeah

he's the coolest kid that i've ever met
he has a turkey that he keeps for a pet
and even though he may drool
you know he's nobody's fool
and he never seems to worry or fret
yeah yeah yeah
yeah yeah yeah

tim's on the prowl
so look out

they crawled in through the bedroom window
looking for your underclothes
they try to hide so you can't see them
so you've got to be on your toes
didn't anybody catch them?
didn't anybody see?
came along and stole my boxers
came and took my BVDs

oh yeah

they hope to raise a lot of money
but i don't believe they can
there's a hole in their equation
they can steal but they have no plan
didn't anybody catch them?
didn't anybody see?
came along and stole my boxers
came and took my BVDs

oh yeah