I was a kid, I bopped around
I didn't know that there was danger
A wooden pick was in the shag
Had been left there by some stranger
Oooh, then I suddenly feel it
Oooh, and it seemed so unreal, it
Felt like cigarettes burned my sole

I didn't run, I made a cry
I knew this pain was something brand new
My toes were curled, foot muscles spazzed
I thought that something may have gone through
Oooh, and I couldn't withdraw it
Oooh, and I freaked when I saw it
Breaking thru the skin 'neath my toes

Gotta get this out of my foot!

What could I do, who can I see
This wooden thing is causing pain there
If I knew, there's no reprieve
I believe I'd go insane there
Oooh, then I heard you were near me
Oooh, and I want you to hear me
Say this at the top of my lungs

GOT TO GET THIS OUT OF MY FOOT!
GOT TO GET THIS OUT OF MY FOOT!

I was a kid hopped down the hall
Didn't know who I would find there
A kitchen room where maybe I
Could find a doctor kind of mind there
Then suddenly I see you
Did I tell you I need you

(So, I hopped into the kitchen where my Dad was eating lunch with my mother and two of my sisters, who all flipped their wigs when I came into the kitchen, and I said ..)

HELP! I need somebody
HELP! Not just anybody
HELP! You know I need The Doc ... HELP!

When I am older, so much older than today
I'll say to you, I'll never need .. your help in any way
Right now, those days aren't here, I'm feeling pretty scared
Now I find, I'm in a bind
My right foot needs repair
Help me if you can, I'm feeling pain
And I do appreciate you're med school trained
Help me 'fore this thing drives me insane
Won't you please, please help me

And now my foot is hurt in such a bizarre way
My ambulation has been cut in half today
And when I hopped in here, I felt so insecure
I know Mom's freaking like .. she's never done before
Help me if you can, I can't maintain
And I do believe that Mom's about to faint
Help me while my sanity remains
Won't you please, please help me

When I was younger, one day younger than today
I didn't need to hop around; walking was child's play
But now those days are gone, I'm feeling not so hale
Now I find, I'm in a bind
My foot has been impaled
Help me if you can, my foot's unsound
And I do appreciate this sight astounds
Help me get my foot back on the ground
Won't you please, please help me
Help me, help me ... ooh

Whereupon Dad very calmly said "Let's go over to the (indoor utility room) so I can look at your foot." Then he told me to lay down and hold my foot up. He looked at it for a second and the reached for a pair of pliers and was about to pull it out. This caused me to freak out and I yanked my foot away and the bottom of the broken toothpick scratched his hand. Dad forgot himself for a moment and yelled at me. This broke the brave front I had been putting up and I was forced to break out in song ....

C'mon, Dr Daddy, why you'd yell at me
C'mon, Dr Daddy, this is hell for me
C'mon, Dr Daddy I'm your brave lil' guy
But now, I just may cry
Slow down! Pops, you're moving way too fast
You gotta give me just a moment, give me just a moment
Ow! Or I'm gonna feel harassed

Well you told me to come over and lie down on the floor
Giving you a better view
But now, you're grabbing pliers off the shelf
Hey Pops what you trying to do!
You better slow down
Pops now you're moving way too fast
You gotta give me just a moment, give me just a moment
Oww! If you don't want another scratch

Well you know that I need you, just told Mom that I do
C'mon, Doctor Daddy, why can't you be cool
I need your help, Pop cause it feels so bad
Scariest moment that I ever had
So slow down .. Pops you're moving way too fast
You gotta give me just a moment, give me just a moment
Brrrr! If you want this fix to last