That damn spider
Turned me into a freak
A high glider
I miss being a geek
I wander the big city and hear these dumb kids shriek
“Oh my God!!!”

That damn spider
Gave me some webs to shoot
A crime fighter
Mary Jane’s really cute
Upside down I’ve kissed you
But I still just have to brood

Dumb suit… I’m putting it on
I’ll fight bad folks
Doc Oc’s metal arms
Hope I don’t get beat
But Green Goblin’s mean
Pumpkin bombs cheat
I've got a migraine
You know I really hope I don’t get shot
Blown up, shocked or even fried!!!

That damn spider
It made me super ripped
If I was much brighter
All of these hot babes I would get
Instead I run through alleys
And put street thugs in their crypts!

Fight crime… It just makes me yawn
I’m still broke
Turn off your alarm
I’m dealing with creeps
Venom leaves me drained
Sandman’s unique
I’m itching for days
“With great power comes great responsibility” Uncle Ben replied
But with no power means I can just slack off on my behind
I think I will just take a break and let those cops fight crime

[Spoken]
“I can do anything a spider can… I guess that means just getting squashed”