{Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band}

[Me]
I got twenty of 'em just today
And another thirty yesterday
They've been goin' in my email pile
And it's looking like they're goin' viral
I really wish they'd get a clue
I really wish they'd disappear
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club spam

[The Spammers]
It's Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club spam
We'll help you find a love that grows
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club spam
It only takes a little dough
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely
"Monthly fees are only..."
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club spam

[Me]
They're being sent from Niger
Or possibly Brazil
It's really driving me to drink
I'm gonna tell 'em what I think
By clicking on their link

[The Spammers]
Now before you start to saying "no"
Well we think you might like to know
That we sent a virus right along
And it's gonna do your system wrong
To stop it what you gotta do
Is sign up for a dozen years
With Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club spam!

{With A Little Help From My Friends}

[Me]
Dozen years?

What do they think, that I'm just a buffoon
Who will panic when they threaten me
My anti-virus protection is strong
It's they best you could buy in '03

Oh, don't know why all my applications abend
Mmmm, don't know why my hard drive is thrashing again
Hmmm, don't know why these triple-x popups won't end

[The Spammers]
All of his data will be ours today
Then we'll use his name to get a loan
He'll soon be finding out to his dismay
His identity is now our own

Oh, and we'll tie into his accounts and we'll spend
Oh, we'll buy with all of his cards 'til the end
Yes, we're so sly with all of the emails we send

And we spam everybody
Just send us money for love
And we scam everybody
'Cause it's your money we love

[Me]
What are these charges that showed up tonight
On my Visa for a hundred ninety-nine?
I never purchased a gun barrel sight
Or a tattoo, or a harpoon line

And, why do I get ads for enhancements for men
Hmmm, stand by while I check this ad that came in
Look, Spanish Fly is on special clearance again

All my snail mail and faxes
Consist of nothing but scams
Just forget death and taxes
There's nothing certain as spam

[The Spammers]
Now we spy on all of the email you send
We're not shy about using all of your friends
Oh, as we try to get all the money they spend

Yes, we get high as we're planning all of our plans
To get all your cash in our hands

{Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band - Reprise}

[Me, counting the emails as they come in]
1...2...3...4...

It's Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club spam
Their emails never ever quit
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club spam
I'm thinkin' that they're not legit

Sgt. Peppers Lonely
Preying on the lonely
Promise matrimony
Cash or credit only

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club spam
Is driving me around the bend
Sgt. Pepper's one and only Lonely Hearts Club spam
It looks like this will never end

Sgt. Peppers phony...
Want to tell 'em "blow me"
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club spam

[The Spammers]
Woo!