I told you how to handle the tears
When your sautéing the onions with beer
Put lime juice on the end of the knife blade
It keeps the odor away
That's the first tip I have for you now
When I show and tell you just how
In cutting all your white onions

I'll tell you another tip that I've learned, man
So that your eyes won't even burn, man
You can chill the onion before
The chemicals are messed up for sure
Then you can just slice away, yeah
As you make an onion souffle
With all your sliced white onions

If all the above fails for you
Chew some gum or eat sugar cubes
It makes you breathe through your mouth
And no gas up your nose, no doubt
If you follow these simple tips
Your eyes won't have nearly a drip
As you cut your white onions