(instrumental opening)

(Rudy Giuliani)
I don't want to roil this party, so I'll go
down the path where my credentials right will show.
There's nothing on the left.
I would be so bereft.
I am anti-choice now, just to let you know.

(Mitt Romney)
Well, I have one wife, not two, I know you care.
My statewide health-care plan, you wish it wasn't there.
You tell me I was wrong
to sing a pro-gay song.
Well, I think I'll take a walk 'round Reagan's lair.

(John McCain)
Once, I told you Bush was bad.
Now, I love him.
And you say his war is sad.
I still love him.

(Giuliani)
I don't want to roil this party, so I'll go
to the White House with my third wife, don't you know.
I straightened out New York.
Mitt, he's a Boston dork.
Elect a Democrat, and this land's gonna blow.

(All)
We've got deficits, that's sad.
We love tax cuts.
If we don't fix it, that's bad.
We love tax cuts.

(undecided voters)
Well, I've had a look or two, and I don't care
for any one of these guys, they just leave me scared.
I wonder what went wrong.
They've led us way too long.
Power, with the people, they don't like to share.

(instrumental fadeout)