[ACT ONE]
[SCENE EIGHT]

{Setting: Inside the Muscle Car}

JILL
"Well, that went over well"

JUSTIN
"Is Al, always like that?"

JILL
"Like what?"

JUSTIN
"Obsessed with The Godfather?"

(Jill nods her head)

JILL
"It's a sad tale, he was once kicked by a mule and hit his head against his satellite dish. He suffered amnesia, and ever since he hit his head while inside they were watching The Godfather, Al now truly believes that he is Don Corleone"

JASON
"Wow, That is a sad tale"

(Jill approaches the trailer seeing a large van next to it)

JILL
"Oh crap"

JASON
"What is it?"

JILL
"Mildred's Here"

(Jill parks and heads inside followed by Justin)
(Mildred fills the entire couch, she hasn't bathed in months, and the trailer reeks)

MILDRED
"Oh Jill, Dil, Dear why don't you come here and give your Mother-in-Law a kiss"

(Jill kisses her)
(Justin gags)
(Jill grabs Justin and pulls him outside)

JILL
"Hoo-Doggies!"

JUSTIN
"That's your Mother-in-Law?!"

"Hygiene Just Can't Be Done"
By PMS

(JILL)
She's not a girl who misses lunch
Do do do do do do do do
She's innundated with much junk in her diet plan.
Physical activity disdains.
A man who's endowed with a mullet commandeers
To go obtain food.
Fries and apple pies piles of spam; jaws busy
Working overtime.
And not to mention all the moon pie sandwiches ate,
And donuts with unnatural lust.

I need a fix so y'all go down
Down to the chicken place way downtown.
Pick up a six pack to wash it down.
Mother's posterior weighs a ton.
From the davenport can't be sprung.
Mother's posterior weighs a ton.
One with the fabric has become

Hygeine just cannot be done
(Gol dang! Whoo hoo!)
Hygeine just cannot be done
(Gol dang! Whoo hoo!)
Can't move nothin' but her arms
And yet meals we bring'er she grows bigger.
I know our mobile home smells like a barn
Because hygeine just cannot be done
No it can't.