[ACT ONE]
[SCENE TWO]

{Setting: Memphis Airport}
{The runway is covered in sheep, pigs, cows, and chickens}

(Justin is passed out on Bubba's shoulder drooling)

BUBBA
"Weeeeeeeereeeee Heeeeeereeeee!!!"

(Justin is jerked awake)

JUSTIN
"What happened? Who died?"

BUBBA
"We's finally made it to Tennessee, breath that good old Confederate Air"

(Justin takes a whiff, and coughs up a lung)

JUSTIN
"It smells like a Porta Potty"

BUBBA
"I know ain't it great!"

{The plane is taxied up to the terminal by a pick-up truck}

(Justin and Bubba leave the plane)
(As soon as the leave the platform JILL leaps into Bubba's arms and starts kissing him, BILLIE stands next to them rolling her eyes)

JILL
"I missed yeh my little John Deere Tractor"

BUBBA
"I miss yeh too my little Bear Trap"
(Justin feeling awkward looks around)

{A man chasing a pig runs down the hallway, a cow walks onto a platform, and a hall light gets shot out by a boomstick)

BUBBA
"Justin I'd like y'all ta meet my wife Jill, and my daughter Billie"

(Justin extends his hand, but is ignored and instead kissed, sucking face with Jill)
(Billie instead shakes his hand)

BILLIE
"Ya'll got to excuse my ma, she's a bit hormonal"

JUSTIN
"I couldn't tell"

BUBBA
"So. Justin, what do y'all think of the place?"

(Justin looks around)

"Sheer Crudeness"
By Matthias

(JUSTIN)
Sheer Crudeness, Smell like old trout won't ba-a-athe
Sheer Crudeness, Heat in cattle pla-ay-ay-ayyyy

Your son is up he's drinking brew
He's pitiful, and so are you

Sheer Crudeness, Don't you wash mouth? It slays
Sheer Crudeness, Eating road-kill pi-i-ies
Sheer Crudeness, Need no money, gu-uy-uy-uyyyyyyyys

Your mom's a ho, who gets no flings
Your car won't start, nor anything

Sheer Crudeness, Yeah, Your huntin' pup he hides

Look around (found pound browned hound mounds)
Look around found (pound browned hound mounds)
Look around, Ewww-wwwwwwww-wwwwwwww-www

Sheer Crudeness, Have no teeth when sm-i-i-ile
Sheer Crudeness, What an inbred chi-i-i-illlld

The clouds from weed, a hazy brain
Or it would be, if one of them

Sheer Crudeness, You remind me of the bile
Sheer Crudeness, What a lousy refrain
Sheer Crudeness

BUBBA
"That good huh?"