Kelp! I need some seafood,
Kelp! Not just any seafood,
Kelp! You know I need seafood,
Kelp!

When I was younger I fish mongered til today,
I never needed anybody's kelp in any way.
But now the fish have gone my nets are not so full,
I need to find some tasty kelp to fill up all my hull.

Kelp is really tasty from a can,
And it goes down really well with a plate of spam.
Kelp is good to give your toothless gran.
Wont you please try seaweed?

Now that my life has changed in oh so many ways,
The North Sea fish stocks seemed to vanish in the haze.
I tried to catch a whale but got caught by japan,
Now all I have to eat is fried Kelp from a pan.

You can lick brown kelp off brighton rocks.
You can find it growing out of Tyneside docks.
Kelp is just as nice as smelly socks.
Won't you please try kelp and cheese?

When I was younger I fish mongered til today,
I've been eating kelp alone in 47 ways.
But now the money's gone I've had to sell my boat,
If you want to save the cod then Kelp gets my vote.

Kelp is really tasty from a can,
And it goes down really well with a plate of spam.
Kelp is good to give your toothless gran.
Wont you please, please kelp breed, kelp breed, kelp breed. ooooh