Joan was quizzical.
Wanted to get physical
with that boy at school.
Had great hair and face
and body was
to-o-o-oned.

Max Plantagenet
said that he'd have none of it.
She felt like a fool.
"I must practise hard for my country
Joa-oa-oa-oan."

'Twas not with sticks that he practiced on ice.
"That boy, he must be gay."

Clank-clank!
Maxwell's silver medal
was placed 'round his neck.
Clank-clank!
Maxwell's silver medal
took back to Quebec.

Back home yet again.
Gets a call from Chretien.
Maxwell gets annoyed.
"So, did you get your gold medal
in Nagano?"

"Sweetheart, you know I failed.
Triple lutz I haven't nailed.
It was such a crime.
Practised fifty times
but still with a bad flow-ow-ow."

And when he took to the ice in Salt Lake
he fell on his behind.

Clank-clank!
Maxwell's silver medal
was placed 'round his neck.
Clank-clank!
Maxwell's silver medal
took back to Quebec.

(instrumental break)

Torino '06.
Judges, they put in the fix.
Maxwell stands alone
telling press he's cheated
out of the go-o-o-old.

Martin and Harper
one whiner and one carper
say on CBC
(Canadian TV)
Maxwell, he must be
goldly honored so-o-o-o...

But as the Russian anthem is played
the tears again they grind...

Clank-clank!
Maxwell's silver medal
was placed 'round his neck!
Clank-clank!
Maxwell's silver medal
took back to Quebec!
Oh whoa whoa whoa!

Silver medal!