There is a house of ITV
They call the Rising Damp
And it's been, repeated for many a long year
Re-runs don't need revamped

Rigsby is a failure
The landlord of the flat
Alan is a medical student
Vienna is the cat

Now the only thing that Rigsby wants
Is to sleep with Mrs Jones
And his catchphrase is to say her name
In a flustered, high-pitched tone

------ organ solo ------

Oh mother tell your children
Not use your time like I
Spend your lives in resigned misery
watching Leonard Rossiter sigh

Well, it's one hand on the Chipsticks
The other on the remote
I'm switching back to ITV 3
To wear that brown waistcoat

There is a house of ITV
They call the Rising Damp
And it's been, repeated for many a long year
Re-runs don't need revamped