Some people say that gals are sugar and spice
But not my wife, she was cellulite ice
Cellulite ice, fat skin, no bones
Used to pizza binge, inhale ice cream cones..

She had Sixteen Tongues, all waggin' at once
Kept bitchin' and moanin' each day of the month
Just hoggin' my recliner, too fat to budge
I owe my life to that domestic judge

Went to church one mornin' when my mind didn't work
I answered that preacher, said, "I Do" like a jerk
I married Sixteen Tongues, two giant nose holes
On our Honeymoon, I got lost in rolls..

She had Sixteen Tongues, all waggin at once
Kept bitchin' and moanin' each day of the month
And hoggin' my recliner, too fat to budge
I owe my life to that domestic judge

I went to court one mornin' with my lawyer retained
Wife arrived later, on a big flat car train
I had to give up somethin' to get rid a that spouse
Not a good housekeeper, but she kept the house

She had Sixteen Tongues, and thirty two chins
The mate for Shamu if she would a' had fins
Her own refrigerator..kept it filled with fudge
I owe my life to that domestic judge

If you see her comin..better step aside
She's a pink steam roller, 'bout a mountain wide
With thighs of thunder, her two feet can kill
If the right one don't get ya' then the left one will..

She had Sixteen Tongues, all waggin' at once
It might sound exotic, but don't be a dunce
Just takes one rollover, you could be a smudge
I owe my life to that domestic judge..

I owe my life to that domestic judge..