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Song Parodies -> "I Am a Rack"

Original Song Title:

"I Am a Rock"

Original Performer:

Simon and Garfunkel

Parody Song Title:

"I Am a Rack"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

I'm crimped all day
In a deep, dark D's sepulcher.
I am enclosed,
Waiting for some wind blown,
On the teats bestowed--
To be fleshly fallen, mind-blow mounts, molto.

I am a rack;
I'm love-to-eye lungs.

I've been palled
In 'forms[1] stretched. . .keep me tight in--
The jugs stay penned, straitlaced.
I have no need of friendship
Because we're a twain;
It's lactational lunching I disdain.

I am a rack;
I'm love-to-eye lungs.

I talk of "lungs";
It's a word you've heard before.
It's slanging for "mammaries."
He joked, "go for the jug'lar,"[2] a "titticism" tried
By a lech'rous Latin. . .let his tongue elide.[3]

I prefer "rack";[4]
It's Anglo Saxon

I have a nook
That since puberty has bisected
My glands, shielded by bra armor,[5]
Hiding my bazooms,
Safe from grappling grooms
Who'd tug those jugs, mam nodes; Wonder-stuffed[6] me.

I am a rack;
Eyes scan for my lungs.

And a rack feel is great
For a guy who transcends "spy."


[1]Maidenform
[2]derived from Latin "jugularis"
[3]to omit, in this case, a vowel from a word
[4]"rack" has many meanings as a noun and verb. In the sense here, it's most likely derived from "the neck and spine of a forequarter," which is related to "framework, stand, grating," which derives from Middle Dutch "rec," framework, derived from Old English "reccan," to stretch. In that sense, this parody is a rack.
[5]brassiere, from French "brassière," bodice worn as an undergarment used to support the breasts"; from Middle French "bracieres," camisole, the Old French meaning being armor for the arms; "bras," arm.
[6]Wonderbra

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 6

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
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 2   0
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 0
 
 3   0
 0
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 4   0
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 5   6
 6
 6
 

User Comments

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Adagio - January 30, 2007 - Report this comment
Pretty descriptive!! lol 5's
Michael Pacholek - January 30, 2007 - Report this comment
Bra-vo. A real hoot(er).
alvin rhodes - January 30, 2007 - Report this comment
wondrous imagery abounds throughout
Meriadoc - January 30, 2007 - Report this comment
An epic of mammoth proportions.
John Barry - January 30, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks, Adagio, MP, Alvin, Merry.
AFW - January 30, 2007 - Report this comment
Great tale of puppy love
Yoidy - January 30, 2007 - Report this comment
So you weren't talking about a towel rack, huh? 555

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