Song Parodies -> "Inch Precise Torpedo Off The Non-Preferred, A..."

Original Song Title:

"One-Eyed One-Horned Flying Purple People-Eater"

Original Performer:

"Inch Precise Torpedo Off The Non-Preferred, A..."

Parody Written by:

The Lyrics

They said it couldn't happen but I seen it - just the once, yup, but I seen it orright - it was in 1976, and the Tigers were playing the Hawks in an Aussie Rules pre-season game. I'd just ordered meself a beer, and then....(wavy dissolve).......(glossary: "torpedo" - a kick that rotates laterally through the air....."non-preferred" - the foot a player least likes kicking from (eg. left, if right-footed)....."full back" - the defender who protects the goals....."goal umpire" - the official who decides whether a goal's gone through or not..........."sticks" - goal posts......."Jimmy Hird" - a champion of the game...."AFL" - Australian Football League)............................OS is here )

Well I SAW that ball, navigating the sky - it didn't
look too long...
and not too high
I felt optimistic so I said "ooh gee,
that kick looks centimetre-perfect to me!"

It was an inch - pre - cise - torp - edo off the non-preferred, I
can't - de - cide - if - ever one of them's occurred, an
inch - pre - cise - torp - edo off the non-preferred, a
fine fine sight to see

Well the full back he bobbed
like a cork in the sea
as its path-he-unconvincingly-aspired to read
It missed his fist, by a wee flea's dick
proceeding then to
sail through the sticks

It was an inch - ex - act - torp - edo off the non-preferred, no-
one - can - snag - 'em.......'cept maybe for Jimmy Hird, an
inch - ex - act - torp - edo off the non-preferred, it
brought a smile to me

Well it
perfectly-sailed-through-the-goals-as-WE-all-gasped...
then it
hit-the-earth-upon-a-perfect patch of grass!
It bounced hard-and-upwards then it came - straight - down
a perfect one-point landing on the goal ump's crown

A "oneballshow"...torpedo...coming off the non-preferred, I
can't-recall...when-a-ball...similar to that occurred, a
"oneballshow"...torpedo...coming off the non-preferred, a
...lovely sight to see

and yes my bestbuddy Leigh...well he got it all down
on his Sony digicorder with that big Dolby Sound
then the AFL called...
said they wanted to see 'im
coz they wanna run his film
in their Footy Museum

A "oneballshow"...torpedo...coming off the non-preferred, I
never-saw...one-before...not even by Jimmy Hird, a
"oneballshow"...torpedo...coming off the non-preferred, it
...got a smile from me

Now I've since been to four - maybe five hundred games
I've never seen another kick exactly the same
There might be a perfect torpedo one day
but "off-the-non-preferred" will never happen again

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Matthias - October 19, 2006 - Report this comment

I don't know much about soccer, but I still have to give your props for completely a PPE parody, that song seems harder than Major-Modern General...

Stuart McArthur - October 19, 2006 - Report this comment

thanks Matthias - and thanks to you! for talking about this OS, which reminded me of this one, on the MB - and yes, the pacing's a b**tch - and no it's not soccer - it's Aussie Rules football, which is nothing like soccer or rugby or American Football - it's a world unto itself ;-)

Adagio - October 19, 2006 - Report this comment

I haven't heard this one in a long time. You did really good on the pacing. Good job!

alvin rhodes - October 19, 2006 - Report this comment

not a fan of the sport, but i am a fan of well-paced parodies and this one is superb

AFW - October 19, 2006 - Report this comment

Not familiar with the game you write about, but you're certainly right on your game with this parody...555

Agrimorfee - October 19, 2006 - Report this comment

The sweet thing is that I have very little knowledge about soccer, but the whole thing was entertaining --Centimetre-perfect to me, too! 555

2Eagle - October 19, 2006 - Report this comment

Good rewriting of that old novelty song. Did you ever hear Hooty Saperticker by Barbara and the Boys?

Jack Wilson - October 19, 2006 - Report this comment

AWESOMEa,but you forgot to parody the TEQUILA! part at the end,555!

Stuart McArthur - October 19, 2006 - Report this comment

thanks Pat, alvin, AFW, Agrimorfee, 2Eagle (no, neither the title nor the artist!), and Jack (I didn't hear that bit - I'll have to re-listen)

PS - this is NOT about SOCCER!!!.....grrrrr ;-)

Jack Wilson - October 19, 2006 - Report this comment

Ok,its right after the horn solo LOL

Spaff.com - October 19, 2006 - Report this comment

I'm a little rusty on the OS, and completely oblivious to this sport you're describing - apparently it has something to do with fisting and fleas' dicks? - but LOVELY wordplay.

Kristof Robertson - October 20, 2006 - Report this comment

Hey Stu, I know nothing about soccer, but....only yankin' your chain, mate. When will the Americans learn about the only worthwhile team sport ever created, and pay it the respect it deserves? It's a tribute to your status on Amiright that so many have checked this out and voted, despite knowing NOTHING about the subject matter. As for me...well, I just get all wistful when I read your Aussie Rules parodies. You should record an album. 555

Stuart McArthur - November 13, 2006 - Report this comment

thanks spaff, and thanks Kristof (now there's a double) - and yes KR, if you play all the instruments and sing, we'll knock out an album together in no time :-)

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