(Spoken)
Do you smell that stench? It's really foul
I think it's him. Let's ask him
Jimmy, dude, uh, you're kinda ripe. You know that?
Mm-hmm
Gee, you must have stepped in something real big
Hey, you wearing "eau du skunk" today?
Uh-uh
By the way, how'd it happen?

When I am far from pipes and drains
And nature calls for privacy
You get the picture? (Yes, we see)
That's when I turn to
Johnny On The Spot

The army digs latrines in the ground (ground, ground)
So soldiers don't go running around
(and walking funny cause they cannot keep it down)
If the situation's bad
The bathroom is closed. That's sad.
Civilians all turn to
Johnny On The Spot

Today I was camping, dinner was through (through, through)
Digestion almost done, nothing new
(I ate some fiber now I there's something I must do)
I hiked there, but found a line
For relief, yes I did pine
But there was only one
Johnny On The Spot

(spoken)
The line moved slow, I was crouching in pain
The tears were beginning to show
Then my turn came, on this rainy night
I wasn't watching where I should go
Did I see the step up? I'll never know.

Look out! Look out! Look out! (sound effect: a scream, followed by a splash)

I dove in head first, what could I do?
I found myself neck deep in this brown goo
The people all gasped and stared
But I gotta crap, and I don't care
Next time, indoor plumbing
Not Johnny On The Spot

Johnny on the spot, something went wrong
Johnny on the spot, something went wrong
Johnny on the spot, something went wrong...