There’s an old world out there,
A no-tech-products land,
And I am there today—
Things like iPhones are banned.
Though no linguists here will guide me,
I know what I must do,
Yes, I know I’ll never cry another “you.”

If I approach someone
And must speak in this way,
Nominatively; none
Of “you”; here’s what I’ll say:
“Thou searchest for thy dog Rover
Who in the house doth poo.”
There thou go’st; I’ll never cry another “you.”

It is wrong, wrong surely
To say what thou ’st cried.
When Amish thou art born
Thou must abide, just hump bride.

So, please, do not importune
Me to do a “you” call,
And my group would bawl—true sorrow
If I should try to “y’all.”

And I’ll speak objectively here—
Also what I will do:
Employ “thee”; I’ll never cry another “you.”

[musical interlude: acoustic only!]

And in pronoun usage, ’tis clear:
None that have Y-O-U.
I will crow only “thy/thine.”
So fuckest you. . .
“Thee!” My boo-boo.