What smells up hos-pit-als,
Funguses your nose..
Makes your eyeballs wrinkle,
Warps your ears, and curls your toes?
The randy pans, oh the randy pans can
The randy pans can 'cause their stench drifts like a fan,
They're laced with waste, no good

What'll urp your vittles
Petrify a fly..
Wither rose bouquets,
And knock out nurses walkin' by?
The randy pans, oh, the randy pans can,
The randy pans can, 'cause their horizontal plan
Is laced with waste, no good

The randy pans make
Dead patients awake,
Hear 'em squirm around with swishes
Wishes..are they'd be fictitious,
In 'em, even could be fishes..

What is foul and jaded,
Like a bad nightmare,
Never nurses aided,
Left to wreak polluted air..
The randy pans, yeah, the randy bed pans,
Those randy bed pans,
Like a cat, could use some sands,
Bad placed with waste, no good