Out in a small just south of El Paso,
Clara was waitress in Ernie's cafe.
Ernie and Clara had vowed to be married
In 2 years, 3 months, 7 weeks and two days.

Clara had called for a real long engagement,
Don't rush into things, Clara's mother had said.
You'll have to be sure of the man in your future.
If you get one like mine, you're better off dead.

One day a young diesel driver came in,
Smiling and singing a soooooonnnnnnngggggg.....
He said to Clara, you're sure awful pretty,
Or else I've been out on the highway too long.

Ernie's anger was great,
So he grabbed a huge stick of salome
And came rushing out through the old kitchen door.
The battle was over in only a moment
The young diesel driver lay dead on the floor.

Now Ernie knew he'd soon be in deep trouble,
assaulting a man with salome was bad.
Soon Sheriff Jones would be forming a posse,
He'd have to make use of the time that he had.

So, into his volkswagon, off he did go
Riding alone in the niiiiggghhhhttttt.
He carried along the huge stick of salome
In case he got hungry and wanted a bite.

As he nibbled,
He thought now of Clara and all of her beauty,
He never had thought six foot six was too tall.
And as for her figure, there's no use denying,
If not for her nose, she'd have no shape at all.

Though it was true she was bow-legged too,
knock-kneed, no teeth and bad breeeeaaattthhhhh.......
Many a gal has been struck with the uglies,
But poor little Clara was beaten to death!

And as Ernie,
Had just nibbled down the last bite of salome,
He looked up and saw Sheriff Jones and his men.
They didn't waste time with a judge and a jury,
They pulled out a rope and they strung him up then.

Now you may think this story has too sad an ending,
but things will work out for the best so they say.
Ernie got out of his marriage to Clara,
And as for old Clara, she kept the cafe.