Alas! Alas! I can't do one damn thing
I can't control the mischief that they bring.

My court must act becoming to a royal
Although some people here don't give a damn
Just perfunctory displays of being loyal
In Buckingham.

The children are so proper in my presence
The public really thinks the world of them
But raunchy things develop in my absence
From Buckingham

Give a damn, Buckingham.
It isn't easy to believe
But from Buckingham, Buckingham
That's how they do behave.

The prince was running in the altogether
So said the morning news the other day
The paparazzi cam
Caught a royal shame
For never ever living down - I say!
In Buckingham.

Buckingham, Buckingham
I'm not a god, I'm just the Queen
But in Buckingham, Buckingham
I'm just a human being.

My oldest grandson wed a lovely lady
But no Lily Maid of Astolat I've found
Strip teased with such elan
Got caught by camera men
For letting little things hang out around
From Buckingham.

Buckingham, Buckingham
They don't pay heed to what I say
Don't give a damn, give a damn
They just go their merry way.

Just like no one can e'er control the weather
There's no way I can force them to obey
I wish I had the power
To send them to the tower
And be my own prime minister this day
Forever more.