If I could talk to the cannibals, just communicate
I would yack like crazy, constantly.
And I'd say, take me to your leader,
Don't make me your feeder,
Promptly state my case and make my plea..

If I could talk to these savages, stop their ravages
Temperatures might lower a degree
I'd stop the raving and the ranting, be glib and enchanting
Offer them bright beads for amnesty..

I would converse - as slipp'ry as a python
Try not to curse, as I am prone to do
And I'd suggest that - they feast on rhinoceros
Or bake some ostriches,
Or gnu..

I'd waggle words and could be their friend, man to cannibal
Not just rabble babble desperately
I'd take a walk with the cannibals, talk with the cannibals
Mimic grunts and squawk like some clan a' bulls
I'd more than squeak and squawk - much like a hawk
I'd be...

I would consult, with a still-on head
A chance, then I'd have,
To survive a puny feast of me..
I'd suggest lunch of three lions, walruses, or sea lions
Help them plan a better recipe..

I might say, "Gang, try orangutan."
High advantages, any captured fool could plainly see
Show them some cuisine art, like Mama's
Hey, barbecue some llamas
They'll prove much more tastier than me!

High fences of survival hope, I'd hurdle
Hold my shaky knees as steady as I could
And beg them please, not to dine upon a pot of us
There's not a lot of us, I'm no good!

I would parlay with no lack-a-terms
To save my dear tail,
Realizing failure would be grim
I'd gladly walk with the cannibals, have talks
With these cannibals
Grunt and squeak their strange understandables
"Try spare ribs and spare me.."

I'd conjure up a quick and tasty sandwich
Build a Big Mac from anything in sight
I just might grab a nearby crab or pelican
Fill up their belly, and - I'll be alright!

I still shudder now, to think of it,
I got out of it,
All that drama's gone, it's history
I've learned to talk with the cannibals,
Walk with the cannibals
Grunt and gawk, and squeak and squawk
With the cannibals.
Now everyday they're dining with, and not - on me