If you missed the start of our parody of the entire musical on Wednesday, September 30, 2009, please enjoy it in order!

Scene 1 is here.
Scene 2 is here.
Scene 3 is here.
Scene 4 is here.
Scene 5 is here.
Scene 6 is here.



In our last exciting episode, the valiant, never-say-die Professor Turtle struggled on with his obstinate student, as the AmIRighters empathized with his misery. The struggle to make a proper parodist of her, and to enlarge her repertoire, continues.



PROF. TURTLE: [spoken]
Ms. Fiddle, if you wish to write *political* parody, you must *understand* the situation first.

Now, listen carefully:

John McCain is a decorated war hero who spent five and a half years in a North Vietnamese prison camp, where he was brutally interrogated almost every day. He still bears wounds from that, and lost most of the use of his right arm. His experience of thirty years in the Senate dwarfs Obama's.

So, the Democrats cannot attack McCain directly. However, Barack Hussein Obama has youthful good looks and charisma, is an eloquent speaker, and holds the race card.

Therefore, in an effort to combat the fact that the news media gave 99% of their coverage to Obama, with MSNBC practically kissing his behind on camera, McCain chose a female VP candidate, and quite the looker, too -- the perfect thing to get some attention back to the GOP.

Unfortunately, she proved to be not too bright. So *that* is where the Dems need to attack.

[FG looks at him blankly, uncomprehending]

TT:
[sighs]
Here, let me see if I can put it more simply:

[spoken slowly; bored, weary, and almost hopeless]
To reign, Hussein must plainly beat the dame

FG:
To reign, Hussein must plainly beat the dame

TT:
[startled, looking up with renewed attention]
What was that?

FG:
[encouraged]
Her mane, acclaimed; Won fame; This dame’s "got game" [1]

TT:
Again.

FG:
[singing]
The game, it’s plain: defame and tame her flame!

TT:
[spoken]
I think she's got it! I think she's got it!

FG:
[singing]
Sustain campaign, and White House, you’ll attain

TT:
[spoken]
By George, she's got it! By George, she's got it!

[singing]
Now, once again, where is this dame?

FG:
[singing]
With McCain! With McCain!

TT:
And how can she be slain?

FG:
Her brain…inane!


FG, TT, and Col. NITPICKERING, in unison:

Campaign, Hussein, from Florida to Maine


TT: Bravo!

ALL, in unison:
Just feign disdain for small-town dame’s domain

TT:
[spoken]
In Hartford, Houston, and Hawaii --

FG:
[spoken]
-- Hillary hardly happened

[TT plays the xylophone] [2]

FG:
[spoken, to rhythm of chimes]
How blind was she to Leftist’s charm!

TT:
[singing]
Now, once she came, where was the stain?

FG:
[singing]
On the dame! All the blame!

TT:
On map, where'd she place Spain?

FG:
Ukraine! Ukraine!

ALL:
Take aim, fair game, declaim the name: Hussein
Free reign, obtain: Proclaim your fame, no shame!

[bantering back and forth as they dance - cha cha, Flamenco, folk dances, etc.]

Tell me, what *should* Bill Clinton do?
Must refrain! Poon, abstain!

Joe's hair -- can you explain?
Rogaine!™ Rogaine!

[ad libbed] [3]

Alaska's claim to fame: her fetching frame
To gain the reign, must mainly beat the dame

But why is *she* Obama's bane?
Entertain! Entertain!

And how does she drive men?
Insane! Insane!

She'll drain your gains cuz' she ain't no plain Jane
Because she's vain, you have to pull her chain!

Refrain remains: Be Seinfeld to Elaine!
Hussein: obtain and maim claim of lame dame!

ALL:
¡Olé!



Success at last! Tune in to our next exciting episode, as the erudite exegeses and their excellent elaboration by Eliza elicit exuberance!



[1] Former winner of 'Miss Wasilla' (town in Alaska) beauty pageant.

[2] For those who haven't seen the movie, this is paralleling a movie scene: Professor Henry Higgins plays the xylophone in the rhythm and pitch in which he wishes Eliza Doolittle to speak, as part of the overall goal of teaching her proper speech, manner, and grace.

[3] The two couplets above match an instrumental in TOS. The remainder, until the final "Ole", isn't in TOS, but we were having too much fun with it :-)