There's nothing you can say could tear me away
From my guy
Although he's kind of odd, 'cause he thinks he's God
Does my guy

He's thinkin' is my guy, he's a virile shagger
If he starts to stagger, we'll
Use viagra
And I'm guessing from the start
He's got a dickey heart
Has my guy

It wouldn't be untrue to say he's unu-
Sual, my guy
'Cause he is so overweight that he travels as freight
Does my guy
Won't use hair dye - uses paint
And like a lovin' Casanova - well, he ain't
But you must be believing
I won't be a-leaving
My guy

He's full of his own opinion, and he never stops
And my opinion is he'll talk till he drops
He's lacking in taste, he's such a flirt
He'd cop a feel at anything in a skirt

He belches a lot, his sleeves are green with snot
My guy
No handsome face, underwear's a disgrace
Ewww... my guy
I've seen him wear his mother's bra
And when he comes in in a nappy - bizarre
And he's vindictive and crass
A royal pain-in-the-ass
My guy


No muscle-bound man: can't even lift my hand
Can my guy
No handsome face: zits all over the place
On my guy (my guy)
He may not be a movie star
Very soon we're getting married - we are
A real sonofabitch,
But he's old, and he's rich
My guy
If he falls overboard
That's OK - he's insured
My guy
[whispered]
Oh yes, the way to his heart
Is with a poisoned dart
My guy