Once upon a time there was a campus
Where we used to tase a dude or two
Remember how we'd while away the hours
By zapping some dumb creep till he turned blue?

Those dudes were tased, my friend
A million volts we'd send
They'd jerk and dance, in epileptic sway
We zapped whome'er we choosed
Poured water on their shoes
For we were cops, and sure to have our way

(Sound effects):
Zap, zap, zap, zap, zap,
Zap, zap, zap, zap, zap,
Those dudes were tased, oh, yes, those dudes were dazed!

Prankster of the year was Andrew Meyer
He ragged on Kerry; nasty things to say
Shocked him till he looked like a cadaver
We smiled at one another as he lay

That schmuck was tased, my friend
No more will he offend
He flopped around, like flounder on the ground
We'd tighten up the screws, and heap on more abuse
For we were cops, the toughest cops around

Zap, zap, zap, zap, zap,
Zap, zap, zap, zap, zap,
Those dudes were tased, oh, yes, those dudes were dazed!

Just tonight I stood before the college
Nothing seemed the way it used to be
Campus cops had new means of correction:
They switched their guns from AC to DC

Those snots were tased, my friend
It's how we self-defend
Electro-shock, instead of firing gun
Increasing juice, we'd use
Until they blew a fuse
But lethal? Not! Our phasers set on "stun"

Zap, zap, zap, zap, zap,
Zap, zap, zap, zap, zap,
Those dudes were tased, oh, yes, those dudes were dazed!

Through the air there came familiar lightning
I saw the sparks and smelled the skin aflame
Oh, my friend, we're older but no softer
From wussy wimps, the screams are still the same

Those dudes were tased, my friend
It's how we apprehend
Give them no chance to fight or run away
We'd give the clueless clues
Unlike batons, no bruise
Bad boys amazed, oh, yes, those dudes were tased!

Zap, zap, zap, zap, zap,
Zap, zap, zap, zap, zap,
Those dudes were tased, oh, yes, those dudes were dazed!

Zap
Zap, zap, zap, zap, zap, zap,
Zap, zap, zap, zap, zap, zaaaaaap!