My tube ain't getting you, no matter what I do
I hear you're funny. So outrageous and blue.
But hubby hides the remote, wearing my loyalty out
I try to pry it from the sofa, but he stuffs my head way down

Bernie, Bernie,
Bernie Mac,
I laughed so hard
I had a heart attack

Bernie, Bernie,
Bernie Mac,
You sex-com star,
Get in my sack

They say his show's on three times a day
But I'm at work, so my co-workers tell me all his plays
I got a star search kinda love for a celebrity hand to hold
A manly personality with bling that's never cold

Bernie,
Bernie Mac,
You know I trashed my life
I married Jimmy Mack

Bernie Mac,
Jimmy Mack,
That no good bum
Works at Radio Shack

I wanna say I'm keeping this marriage together
But my attraction to you is getting stronger
I want you to see me in my housefrock and rollers
'Coz, honey, I still looks sexy, you should come and feel my boulders

Bernie Mac,
Jimmy Mack,
That grouchy scum
Is no good in the sack

Bernie Mac,
Jimmy Mack,
Should watch your show
& learn to hustle wack

Oh Bernie Mac, you better rock some
'Coz no love is in my house, just Jetsons and Blossom
On my coffee break, I catch a joke or two
And when my Jimmy's out ballin', I watch your sitcom nude

Bernie,
Bernie Mac,
When I scream your name
I always get a slap

Bernie Mac,
Jimmy Mack,
Is just a jealous pig
Who's always taking crap

Bernie,
Bernie Mac,
I hear you like your women
Charcoal black

Bernie?
Bernie?
I know you heard me, jack
Coz' I'm in your sack

Bernie,
Don't nine one one me
I just wanna know
If you'd kill Jimmy Mack

Bernie, please don't leave me
Where are you going, please?
You leavin' me on my knees
Bernie? Bernie?

Bernie Mac: "Officer, she's in my sack."