Well, I wake up, Friday mornin'
On the calendar's December twenty-one
Somewhere radios are blarin'
"It's the end!" - outside, I'm starin' at the sun..
It's a giant ball of crimson flame
And fallin' with a sonic speed, like none
I bend down, pull on my cowboy boots,
I guess that prophet's right, it's here, Doomsday..

I light and puff a Newport king
And feel my chest to see if my heart's tickin'
It is, so kick the fat ho from my bed where she has been
Since last night's trickin'
Then I microwave some water, spoon the coffee
In a cup, when steamed, I'm lickin'
Now, I'm forced to watch a movie of my life
That's quickly flashin' thru' my mind..

On the New York mornin' sidewalk
Sinners gather, pray and sing
Like the services on Sunday,
Across the city church bells ring
All the people brace for dyin'
Instant religion gains some ground
Begs of mercy fill the sidewalks
Doomsday mornin's comin' down

Out in DC wheels start turnin'
All the government's big brains are quickly thinkin'
Then, the Secretary of Defense says
"We need Heston," without even blinkin'
Fetch his body from the crypt, nuclear scientists
Get him alive, and winkin'
Then they stand him up on Times Square
And "Behold! My mighty power!" have him say...

Falling sun parts in the center,
Two halves fly harmless into space
And in less than half an hour
The sun's rejoined, back in place
Now that no one's marked for dyin'
The bars refill and sins abound
No more singin' on the sidewalk
Doomsday mornin' won't come down

On this Friday mornin' sidewalk,
Heston's hailed, and blessed, and cheered
Then good people head on homeward
Soon, they all have disappeared
Heston ass-kicked Armageddon,
And saved the World on this cold day
Now the Liberals might forgive him
For his stand on NRA....

Now the Liberals should forgive him
For his stand on NRA....