SPOKEN:
These are the times of tiresome ’holes. In the course of our fair state’s history, the people of Golden have rallied whenever their rights have been threatened.

One day, a new crisis had arisen. The wrecker of a legendary company, known by its initials, HP, was attempting to foist off a worrisome scam on the population in the form of snaring a Senate seat. Citizens threw her out; most are happy she’s through.


Well, let me tell you the story of a scam named Carly:
On a tragic and fateful day,
She got her name on the docket after vanquishing Campbell.*
Wrecked first, had she, the “HP Way.”

Will she ever return? Hope she never returns,
And her fate was to be spurned.
She’d have lied forever if she’d beaten Boxer;
She’s a scam who’s sent away, burned.

Carly handed us a line, a mendacious narration,
A deranged and vacant refrain.
How she got there, a conundrum; voters can be fickle. . .
Carly’s now on the Loser train.

Will she ever return? Hope she’ll never. . .she’s spurned.
She can’t wait for more returns.
She’d have lied forever if defeated Boxer;
She’s a scam who’s sent away, spurned.

Now, all night long Carly prayed for salvation,
Crying, “I know they’ll go for me.”
We couldn’t afford to have this twisted “for pelf, me”
Now she’s done in—get lost, scurry!

Hope she never returns. Hope a lesson she’s learned:
Voter faith needs to be earned.
She’d have lied forever if she'd steamed past Boxer;
She’s a scam who’s sent away, spurned.

Carly’s lights went out ’cause her hollow narration
Didn’t play; most voters saw through
Her ruse, and so she’s winnowed.
They said, “Carly’s a bad witch, like the dame Beelzebub wooed!”

Hope they never return. Hope a lesson they’ve learned:
Voter faith needs to be earned,
I won’t cry: these wretched ran races and lost ’em,
Each a scam who’s sent away, spurned.

Now, you citizens of Golden, wrong choice would have been a scandal;
For a “yea” we’d have had to pay.
Blighting scare’s decreased. . .voted down the tyrant:
That sore Carly has been sent away.

After HP she burned, she thought she could return,
But her fate was to be spurned.
Say goodbye forever; voters choose: she lost ’em.
She’s a scam. Please, never return!
Please, now, scram and never return.

Adieu, Carly.


*Tom, in the Republican primary. A relative moderate, unlike the reactionary Fiorina, he could probably have defeated Boxer.