Ashkicksass is quite a lass and everybody knows it
This fine day is her birthday, and this is why I chose it
To send her this little verse (it took months to compose it)
Ashkicksass is quite a bastard, everybody knows it

Has a car that seldom starts,
And each time it's repaired,
It runs a while -- about a mile --
Then stops 'tween here and there
And since the Kia seems to be
In need of constant care
We must conclude her fav'rite fruit's
A lemon, not a pear, oh

Ash's car won't go too far ' I wonder why she chose it
It's as new as morning dew but acts as old as Moses
Coughs and wheezes, much in need of good 'life support' hoses
There's no cure, we know for sure -- her car guy diagnosed it

When she reads a parody,
'Ash-candor' is her rule,
For Ash will call a spade a spade,
And call a fool a fool
So if it sucks, you're out of luck,
Though she is seldom cruel
She's one tiara'ed terror,
But our joker is a jewel, yes

Ashkicksass is quite a lass though some may think her 'cliquey'
If you've read "The Only Thread...," you know she can be picky:
She is snooty about cooties and boys who are 'icky'
Ashkicksass is quite a lass, but geez can she can be cliquey!

Once, Ash read a parody some
Hateful bigot wrote
And voiced her disapproval with her
Comment and her vote
The 'paro-dissed' was really pissed '
It really got her goat
But in the end, Ash and her friends
All couldn't help but gloat, oh

Ash, today's your special day, now everybody knows it
(If you hate to celebrate, blame Arwen, who disclosed it)
And this way to say 'hooray'? The elf again -- she chose it
(If it's lame, then she's to blame, cause I suggested roses)

Ashkicksass is quite a lass ask anyone who knows her
Our princess don't take no mess from those who dare oppose her
She's the coolest girl in school it's no surprise Steve chose her
Ashkicksass is quite a lass ' ask anyone who knows her