(Maria)

Let's start with some very big grinning
An idiot place to start
When you cry you begin with tragedy
When you laugh you begin with Stooges three

Stooges Three, Stooges three
The big pie fights in every movie
Stooges three, Stooges three

Moe, Larry, Curley, Shemp, and Joe
Let's see if I can add some hist'ry

Moe, a dolt, a mop hair dolt
Larry plays the violin
Curley kicked it way too young
Shemp, a brother filling in
Next came Besser, drawing jeers
Then DiRito- "Curley Joe"
Slapstick for their whole careers
Which was managed all by Moe

(Junior Knuckleheads repeat)

Moe, Larry, Curley, Shemp, and Curley Joe

(Maria)

Now morons, the Stooges three and so on
Are only the fools we use to build a skit
Once you have these fools bopping heads
You can make a dozen films by mixing up gags
Like this:

Moe poke eyes pliers grab nose
Can you do that?

(Children)

Child pokes eyes bop kid in nose (kid cries)

(Maria)

That's it! Now you know why we laugh!

(Children)

Kid slaps face says "Woo-woo-woo"

(Maria)

Now let's put it all together!
(Children)

Moe, Larry, Curley, Shemp, and Joe

(Maria)

Good!

(Brigitta, holding her face)

But it sounds painful!

(Maria)

So we put in sound effects! The more ridiculous, the better!

When a pipe falls on your head
Put in anvil sounds instead!

(Children)

When a pipe falls on your head
Put in anvil sounds instead!

(Everybody)

Clang!, an anvil on the head
Sproing!, a bedspring in your butt
Yoink!, a finger in the eye
Whoom!, thick lumber in the gut
Schpritz!, some seltzer in the pants
Thud!, a barbell on your toe
Yow! A hot seat makes you dance
Which is usually caused by Moe

Moe, Larry, Curley, Shemp, and Joe!

(Ambulance arrives, song ends)