No Toilet Paper by Jeff “Dr Chordate” Moran

No toilet paper,
On the pot, rear end bare.
Under, over, at the moment, I don’t care.
Just that empty roll sitting there.

Chorus: Don’t you always have to go,
And you don’t know what you need ‘til it’s gone.
No toilet paper,
And I’m still sitting on the pot.

Take all the squares Put ‘em in a square museum.
Charge everybody A dollar and half just to use ‘em

Chorus: Don’t you always have to go,
And you don’t know what you need ‘til it’s gone.
No toilet paper,
And I’m still sitting on the pot.


Hey, Mister Janitor. Put away that broom and mop.
Leave those spots there on the floor. But give me some TP.
Please!

Chorus: Don’t you always have to go,
And you don’t know what you need ‘til it’s gone.
No toilet paper,
And I’m still sitting on the pot.


Thought I heard the slam of the restroom door.
A big funny guy just took the last TP roll.

Chorus: Don’t you always have to go,
And you don’t know what you need ‘til it’s gone.
No toilet paper,
And I’m still sitting on the pot.