Tuned in, I saw Alonzo Mourning playing in the N.B.A.
Thought he had an ailing kidney, but I guess he's cleared to play
He came re-joining the Miami Heat, and running up and down the court

Oh, he's come back
To go in for Shaq
Try to bring some class to this sport

Turned on, I saw Alonzo Mourning, just in time to play b-ball
And the writers seemed to think that his old team will win it all
They might bring the gold to Florida, for the presidential sibling

Oh, what a day
The guy can still play
"Long as he don't do the dribbling

Now the season opens on the playoff games today
And arenas fill with filthy rich
With guys that bitch
About their niche
Cause they don't get to play

Looked in, I saw Alonzo Mourning, and the tipoff whistle blew
There were shots and steals and rebounding, and a million ads to view
And the Suns came in like gangbusters, and put up good defenses
Oh, one loss there
And no one will care
Cause they drive Mercedes-Benzes

When the games are over, and the profits have been made
They'll still live "the Life"
So free of strife
Like Kobe's wife
With bodyguards and shade
Pretty easy, if you
Look up, there's Alonzo Mourning