couldn't have said it better myself and maybe not as well. 455

Great job, John. He or she or it just went through my whole catalogue of parodies and triple 1'd 95% of them. Glad I could make him waste the time it took him!! 555 here

Thanks, Carol, Dee. Amazing! Too bad such obsessive effort couldn't instead be dedicated to writing the brilliant parodies of which I'm sure he's capable but are somehow trapped, unable to spring forth.

Very clever use of the title. Some clever lines throughout as well. 5's

I was hoping this was about The Man With No Name (Clint Eastwood in his "spaghetti westerns"), but this was an even better idea. Every bully is, at heart, a coward, and when they get called on it, they got nothin'. Let's keep callin' 'em on it.

I noticed that Dee. Pretty low whomever did it. They could have at least respected the pacing, since yours is top-notch. Good job here on this OS John.

Amen to you Brother JAB!

direct hit...nice job...5s

Thanks, all. Support's much apppreciated.

Nice job, JB...I was thinking of doing something similar, but you said it all as well or better here...Dee - someone did that to my stuff a couple months ago...I don't know if it was the same cretin or not...

Paul, Dee. All my stuff got ones'd quite a while ago. Mercifully we'll never meet this/these psycho/psychos in person.

Barry, you got 3s this time (and the first one was generous). I often give you more than 1s, and I almost never give you 1-1-1. Your pacing, while sometimes mediocre or worse, almost never deserves a 1. This is likely to be the last long message I leave you. I had no desire to leave another long one, but your message is absolutely littered with errors, and it does not make sense to leave them uncorrected. I'll put a "B" before one of your lines and an "L" before my reply. I wish that I could use HTML to double-space, but, here goes ... [to be continued]

Lurker, you may want to listen to the recording as I did. There is not a single missed pacing. Even if you don't find it funny, or if you don't find it to your liking, the pacing is not off, so if you think it is, it's you who has the pacing problem.

B: There's a man who says my soul's in danger-- ***** L: True. Since you are obviously aware of what God has revealed to be sinful, but you commit deadly sins deliberately anyway, that puts your soul in danger of forever being in the "Smoking Section" of the afterlife. In effect, you are choosing hell over heaven. ********** B: That's strange because he is a complete stranger. ***** L: It is not "strange" at all. I am (to an ever-lessening extent) a "stranger" to you, but you are by no means a "stranger" to me, since I have read hundreds of parodies (i.e., probably over 10,000 lines) that you have written, along with various notes above and below parodies. All of that has given me a window into your mind and heart. ********** [to be continued]

[Side note to Mr. Mayfield: You are dead wrong, sir! I have been a musician and singer for more than 45 years, and I know whereof I speak. There are at least three lines with the wrong number of syllables. But of even greater concern than that, in the area of "pacing," is the need to match accented syllables with accented notes. In "original" songs, lyricists accomplish this matching in a perfect way almost 100% of the time. But Mr. Barry seems to be in a mad rush to post as many parodies as possible, having quantity rather than quality in mind. It takes hard work and lots of time to match up the accents, but Barry does not yet have the requisite self-discipline.] *** [Side note to Dee Range and Paul Robinson: Sorry to have to break this to you, but I have not touched your parodies, and I can't recall what they are like (good, bad, or ugly). Apparently someone else (perhaps a rival parodist) is "1-ing" you.] *** [Side note to Mr. Pacholek: Performing a just act, beneficial to Barry and the rest of mankind, is not being a "bully." Stay tuned, because much of what I will be posting for Barry will pertain to you too.] *********** [Continuing the analysis of the parody for Barry:] *** B: There's one chance he won't take: To use a name not fake. *** L: You are right to speak of it as a "chance" (i.e., a risk) -- one that I would not take, because I have an instinct of self-preservation. People who write the garbage that you have written sometimes are so mentally ill that they would track down and hurt or kill someone (like me) who is perceived as an enemy. I gotta keep you at arm's length until you experience your conversion/reversion! [to be continued]

B: It's odd some songs seem to cause him such sorrow. **** L: You don't even believe this yourself. I have written enough to you by now, on other pages, to help you see that it's not the "songs," but your perverse renditions of them that would "cause ... sorrow" in any person with a functioning and well-formed conscience. ******************* B: Secret, nameless man, secret, nameless man, He gives aimless low numbers But won't reveal his name. *** L: Again, obviously wrong and untrue on your part, because you know that my "low numbers" are not "aimless." You know that I post them as my only way of reminding you that you are doing something truly evil. You are offending God and your fellow man by using ... obscene language ... crude subject matter that mature people outgrow discussing/joking about upon reaching adulthood ... treating with disrespect the wonderful and holy thing that is sexuality ... making fun of serious disorders/crimes such as alcoholism and illegal drug use ... and on and on and on. ***** [to be continued]

Well, apparently I am not professional enough to find these errors. I listened to the recording again and don't see a single error.

[Side note to Mr. Mayfield: I'll give you an example of each of the two kinds of errors I mentioned. Wrong number of syllables ... "He says that God may take me to Hades the next day" (13) replaces "And then layin' in the Bombay alley next day" (12). He should have used "hell," because the word "Hades" has two syllables. Non-match of accented syllables to accented notes ... The original has "A 'pret-ty 'face can 'hide an 'evil 'mind" (with ' before each accented note, matching the normal stresses in the words). But the parody says, "Has 'he no-'ticed? It's 'a pa-'ro-dy 'site!" (in which the first four accented notes are horribly linked with unstressed syllables -- he, -ticed, a, -ro). A parody must be written to be singable, and with a listener able to understand the sung words. Often this is not the case with Barry's parodies, so he does not deserve 5s for pacing. *********** [Continuing the analysis of the parody for Barry:] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ B: What's he expect to find on amiright? ~~~ L: On EVERY page of the entire Internet -- not just on "amiright" -- I expect to find dignified material that is not sinfully offensive -- in other words, the opposite of what you post (as partially listed in my previous post).------------- [to be continued]

B: Has he noticed?--it's a parody site! ~~~ L: Good grief! That's no excuse for posting the harmful crud I partially listed above. Many parodists here avoid all that offensive junk and come up with outstanding parodies -- some of which I've given 5-5-5. I look forward to giving you 5s after your conversion/reversion. To prove that it is a genuine turnabout, you'll need to write to the amiright owner and ask him to delete all your old parodies. Start off with a clean slate. Re-post the "clean" ones, and make all brand-new ones "clean." Oh, and I forgot to mention earlier that another group of the gross improprieties in your parodies are your unjust and exaggerated put-downs of decent conservative people in politics, some of whom you unmercifully demean for doing things that are actually good (!) and some of whom you brainlessly abuse as convicted criminals after they have been merely accused, without proof, by their ultra-liberal political enemies. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ B: Is he prayerful every day? ~~~ L: I wish that I were, but sometimes I get weak and put less important things ahead of prayer for a day or two. I'm a sinner, just like you. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [to be continued]

We agree with Lurker. John Barry: Before your parodies can be submitted to Amiright, they must be approved by the State Minister for Public Enlightenment and Propaganda. All degenerate parodies will be systematically burned.

B: Forgiveness, not his way It seems. ~~~ L: I'm perfectly ready to forgive you, as is God. But you have to express genuine sorrow, to make an act of the will to abandon your past sins, and to attempt to make very visible reparation for them (by getting your old parodies deleted, by advising your cronies to imitate your new and decent ways, etc.). You will have to be bold and courageous, willing to accept ridicule, etc.. It will be a far better thing than any other you have previously done in your life. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ B: Don't think from Jesus such stance's borrowed. ~~~ L: You need to avoid bringing the name of Jesus into this as a way of calling attention to his mercy (readiness to forgive), while at the same time ignoring his readiness to condemn sin. As he said to the woman caught in adultery, "Neither will I condemn you ... but you must go and sin no more." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [to be continued]

wow Lurker... you're truly retarded. thanks for letting us all know just how retarded you really are

John, I missed this back and forth til today; all I can say is you have once again gone and made me go to the dictionary; the thing that I'll always remember about Amiright is John Barry and his vocabulary, and it is delightful to be forced to look in the dictionary; most writers don't make me do this. I've had a person or two taunt me on this site. It's an uncomfortable feeling but don't let it (them) get to you.

[side note to Mr. Miller: Telling the truth and trying to help a guy ain't "taunting."] *********** [continuing analysis of parody for Barry:] ******* B: [unknown-instrument solo] ~~~ L: This was the only funny line in your parody! You have tons of raw talent -- plus encyclopedic knowledge, factually and linguistically (and/or lots of energy to do research) -- and you just need to put it all to good uses rather than evil. It is this fact -- your great POTENTIAL -- that drives me to be your gadfly. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ B: Sinnin' is his hysteria one day; ~~~ L: Nah! No "hysteria" involved here. No wild emotion, etc.. -- but instead, cool, calculating, cerebral activity in the service of God and mankind. ```````````````````````` [to be continued]

B: He says that God may take me to Hades the next day. ~~~ L: I didn't "say" that, though I'm glad that you used the word "may," indicating that a trip to Gehenna is not inevitable for you. You can repent and be forgiven. What is actually true is not that GOD would take/put you anywhere, but that you would put YOURSELF away from him for all eternity, by your choice to be satan's pal, instead of God's. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ B: If words offend him, why's he stick To this site? Strikes me as sick. ~~~ L: From my comments above, you now know why I "stick to this site." And it is definitely not "sick." Right now, I love you more than you love yourself. At least I am concerned about your immortal soul. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ B: If songs cause him such angst, his head could burrow Into sainted sand in some ancient land, Where he can't taint with numbers Songs he, nameless, defames. ~~~ L: At this point, I don't need to say much more. It is not "songs" that cause me pain, but offensive parodies. I love almost all the old SONGS that you use as a basis for your parodies -- and they were originally on the radio when I was a student (1955-1974). Thus I do not "defame" the SONGS, but only your shabby abuse of the talents God gave you. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Jesus loves all you gals and guys (even you, Barry), and I do too. ******* [The End]

The Lord will kill you if you don't repent. Repent for the end is nigh. Kill 12 people but repent and ye shall be welcomed into the Kingdom. (Ralph 10:24)

Beware of the nuts from Christian Exodus. Members are moving into South Carolina with the goal of filling the legislature with Christian Constitutionalists - you know, no gay marriages, anti-choice, sex in the missionary position, pro war, prayer in school, evolution out of school, the 10 Commandments and a cross on every government building, a gun in every house and a mule in every barn. We should just give them a few red states (or all of them) and let them set up their own Iran - they could even invade themselves. Are they now serving Kool-aid as the holy water?

Too ludicrous to be funny, Squadder. Work on avoiding extreme exaggeration. By the way, Barry, I wached "Secret Agent" every week as a kid. I loved it. I heard the theme before it came out on a record.

Lurker, I'm glad we agree that Christian Exodus is too ludircrous to be funny. But I thought that you would be a card carrying member.

No, Squadder. I couldn't have been calling "Christian Exodus" ludicrous, because I have never heard of it, and I don't know what it is. You know perfectly well that I was calling all your comments "ludicrous." To learn to be more witty, check with some third-graders. They are more advanced than you.

No, I think that you were calling Christian Exodus ludicrous. And you're right, they are. Lurker, thank you for the tip, but I think I'm witty enough. By the way, are you a member of this radical extremist group Christian Exodus? They sound really crazy - it just seems like a perfect fit for you - you know, trying to impose your morals and values on people - same as them.

Squadder, if you think that I stand for high morality (which I do), then you ought to realize that I have been honest with you. No matter what you think, the fact is that I have never heard of this "Exodus" thing that you mention. Another thing that you need to do is to become mature enough to realize that I (and millions of people like me) NEVER believe in IMposing our morality on others. I believe in people's freedom of religion. I don't seek to IMpose my beliefs. Instead, I exercise my right to PROpose my beliefs to others and to try to persuade them to agree. (For example, I did not write to this site's owner, demanding or asking him to delete Barry's parodies. Instead, I asked Barry to remove most of his own parodies, when the time comes that he realizes how improper they are.)

Well, Lurker, then I must admit, I have more respect for you than the religious nuts who are out to dismantle the Constitution and try to IMPOSE their extreme right-wing ideology on the rest of the us. So, can we assume that you're not out there pushing for school prayer? That you're not out there trying to take choice away from women? By the way, I don't think you stand for high morals - I think that you think you stand for high morals. And I'm sure that you will be a proponent of Christian Exodus once you look into their evil ways. Finally, when were you annointed as the savior of mortal souls? Did the Big Guy contact you personally? What did he say? Hey, I'm for whatever gets you through your life - but I think you're wasting your time trying to save mortal souls - your about as credible as the Hare Krishnas - what makes you more right than them, for example? Oh, and thank you so much for not demanding that Mr. Barry's parodies be deleted - I mean, with the Lord on your side, I'm sure you could have accomplished that. By the way, did the Lord send you here? Did he mention me by name?

Squadder, your first several words sounded hopeful ... but then you lost control of your senses again. Maybe the illegal drugs kicked in? Anyway, you've proved yourself to be unworthy of further dialog, so I won't bother to rip your message to shreds (even though I could do so). May God bless you with the graces that you need to come to repentance, so that you don't fry in hell for all eternity. (It would be good for you to stop blaspheming by abusing the name of "God" in your nickname.)