Every mornin' around nine you could see him there,
big old boy, with donuts everywhere
Kinda broad in the belly, and smart in the lip,
and really pretty darn large in the hip
(Big John, Big John) Big fat John (Big John)

No one knew just where John fit in,
He just coached whereever Bill needed him.
He always said a lot, wasn't quiet and shy,
And when John spoke, most knew it was a lie (Big John)

Then one day he went down to New Orleans
Promised a high school player all sorts of things,
And when the young recruit got to Husker Land,
John introduced him to Coach Call'han - Big John
(Big John, Big John) Big fat John (Big John)

Then came the day when they played OU
the players and the coaches knew they were through
Ole Bill was cursin and John lied fast,
and everyone wished that the day was past - 'cept John

Through the dust and the smoke of this awful game
Walked a big old man whose motives were the same
Grabbed a DL gave a bear hug and said
Get out there and tackle or I'll be dead - Big John
(Big John, Big John) Big fat John (Big John)

And with all of his weight he gave some coaches love
Then told another lie and gave a player a hug
And 11 players ran back onto the field of play
Now they'll regret there ever came this day - Big John

With pats and hugs and all sorts of things
John had them thinkin' about Big 12 rings.

And then more lies and gas belched from out of his mouth
and everyone knew that John was headin' south.
(Big John, Big John) Big fat John (Big John)

Now they wanna hire another defensive coach
but damned if anyone stands above reproach
These few words were spoke of John by fans
At the bottom of the lies, was a mighty big man
(Big John, Big John) Big fat John (Big John)

FADE (Big John, Big John) Big John (Big John)