One in-testine larger
And one in-testine small
Novocain the dentist gives you:
Won't feel anything at all
Read Rotondo
And you'll have a ball

And if you go ocean-diving
And too quickly, buddy ascends
Using a hookah, joking patter-killer [1] [2]
Has gotten case of bends
Rotondo:
Compression tank, mends

When girls at Lowe's™ Hardware
Supply a foot of wood, or so
And you're sporting four-hour erection [3]
With a dozen broads in tow
Magic phallus!
Just watch it grow!

When cheesesteak and salami
Have gone straight to your duff
Philadelph'ya is ranked bass-ackwards
Eating pig's feet (Cough!) -- Tha's enough!
Remember, 'spite of Turtle's guff:
"Read Jim's stuff!"
"Read Jim's stuff!"
"READ JIM'S STUFF!"




[1] "hookah" = In addition to what fellow alumnus Grace (and probably you) were thinking of, is also a surface air compressor with a long hose, enabling a diver to dispense with the SCUBA (Self-Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus) backpack. The Turtle (aside from having a large natural breath capacity, of course) prefers the latter for the freedom and deeper descents it allows for non-commercial or -military divers (140' / 42m). Go down, stay down, go deep!

Oddity for us word-loving geeks: This use of "hookah" wasn't in either the online dictionary or Wikipedia, which is very strange, since Googling "hookah"+"dive" (or "diver") gives over 200,000 hits. (no pun intended -- sorry!)

[2] "joking patter-killer" = his line of jokes, or patter, "kills" his audience. ("kill" = top compliment to comedian.)

[3] pace note: "hour", per dictionary, is one of the many "fielder's choice" words -- both one- and two-syllable pronunciations are correct. Using one syllable here. (Such words very handy for parodists!)