(instrumental opening)

In a little cafe
where you don't just walk in, like Mordor
they have taken my phone call
and now they make my lunch order.
They're not seating patrons today
under orders: Say, "No way, Jose!"
You can walk up while wearing a mask
but you'll hear them say-ay-ay:

Don't you come any closer!
We can't seat you, man!
The risk is too strong!
Don't you come any closer!
Stay home alone!
'Cause the odds are too long!

All these COVID-19
stories are enough to give shiver.
But if you've got some cash
they're still willing to drive and deliver.
They told me how much I should pay
and said delivery guy's on his way.
And I knew, yes I knew, I would wait
so I don't hear them say-ay-ay:

Don't you come any closer!
We can't seat you, man!
The risk is too strong!
Don't you come any closer!
Stay home alone!
'Cause the odds are too long!

(instrumental break)

When the doorbell rang
there was guy wearing protection plenty.
And with gloves on, I took the bag from him
and gave him a twenty.
And I told him, "Hey, keep the change, man."
Back to his Honda he ran
and as he drove away
I could hear him call his boss Ray-ay-ay:

Don't you come any closer!
I'll work now from home!
The risk is too strong!
Don't you come any closer!
I'll be alone!
'Cause the odds are too long!

La la la, la la la, la la...
La la la, la la la, la la...
La la la, la la la, la la...
(coughing fit fadeout)