At last, she does arrive,
The chick I called
From Craigslist, surfin'
Her pickup's in the drive
Looks like she's hauled
Some old manure in..
She said she'd show at five,
It's eight fifteen,
A slight de-lay way
In bed, I'm hot to dive
And try the A-way..

I watch her exit from
A rusty green,
Beat up ve-hicle
She's stuffed...
A lard size eighteen
In size ten jeans,
Face like a pickle..
Grabs a case of Coors,
I think of horse..
Or window bay-way
Big boot, she has, and more
To do it A-way..

Her hair is red, with purple hues
Wears big black boots, has eagle tattoos,
A wad of gum chomps in her snout,
She puffs huge cheeks, then spits it out,
Big shanks and thighs
Like Longshore guy's,
Now lumber my way..

She raps her meat hook fist
On my front door, and makes it rattle
Shouts out, "Hey Sean, it's Doris!!!"
With enough force
To stampede cattle..
I sneak out my back door
And leave the whore
Cussin' and bangin'
I'd rather battle Shrek,
Or risk my neck
At my own hangin'

For what is man, without his life?
She'd make me feel like Barney Fife..
I don't have quite this much to prove
If she returns, I just might move
I need to find a gentler groove..
To do...it...Aaaa...Waaaay..