And the stain bled, when I tried to wash "em -out with the Tide
So I pushed a new load in my Maytag and I set the heat on "high"
I thought, it's just a bunch of cloth with ink and blood, not much to do
Then I pulled out the wash, and said "Oh holy crap! Yuk!" I'm not quite through"

Stains, stains, everywhere are stains
Blotchin' up my laund-ery, streakin' my Hanes
Bleach this, don't bleach that can't get rid of stains

And the stain said "If you're thinking of wearing this, it will not be tonight"
So I jumped on the phone and I yelled at my spouse
"Ray! Can't get your shirts white!"
"The dirt's so intense to get it out would require an act of God"
"And God would say the way you treat your wo-man, no person should launder

Stains, stains, everywhere are stains
Blotchin' up my laund-ery, colors and plains
Bleach this, don't bleach that, can't get rid of stains

Hey now you, Levis, can't come clean?
I've got to have a shirt and pants to wear around
But spots in the crotch, I could not drown
They ain't supposed to be here
The stain dread has gotten me so crazy I want to have a cry
UGH!

(Washer/dryer solo)

Stains, stains, everywhere are stains
Blotchin' up my laund-ery, streakin' my Hanes
Bleach this, don't bleach that, can't get rid of stains

And the sign said "Every body welcome"
"Join in, have fun and share"
So when my family joined the club, we just ended it all,
We didn't have a thing now to wear
So I got me a life membership, where no stupid laundry woes intrude
I said, "Thank you Lord, for this nature camp,"
"We're just thriving in the nude"
Wooooo!

Stains, stains, nevermore those stains
Blotchin' up my laund-ery, ended those pains
Bleach this, don't bleach that, we got rid of stains