(Introduction, Electric Guitars)

Going to fancy stores, gonna see what I can buy
A plasma TV and a brand-new car to drive
More stuff to the check-out I haul
Wallet empty; I start to bawl
And my Master Card account is maxed-out, too

Take my parents to a ritzy place to dine
I insist to pay, but I'm so scared this time
Got the bill, don't have the cash
Maybe we should dine-and-dash
The waitress asks me "Why are you so blue?"

"Don't you know your using an American Express?
Don't you know your using an American Express?
That credit card's simply the best."
With the platinum, with the platinum

I've been saving up all of my frequent flyer miles
I'm gonna ride first-class in style

Take a plane down to Las Vegas for some fun
Using my Master Card, this wouldn't be done
I see an advertising whore
I go back to her place for more
Try to pay the hooker feeling sure
(Well, let me hear you now)

'Cause you know I'm using an American Express
'Cause you know I'm using an American Express
It's much better than traveler's checks

"Don't you know you can't use an American Express?
Don't you know you can't use an American Express?
It's illegal to pay for sex."
Dang-it! What a pain! Dang-it! What a pain!
You------ dumb------ whore!

(Ending, Electric Guitars)