Of your first and last name use the first two letters.
What were we thinking? We should have known better.
And realized that when some users sign in
Their IDs would form awkward acronyms.

Some of these acronyms would not offend yer
Unless you happen to be the wrong gender.
FI-del FI-laromo and LU-ther LU-nquist
GI-no GI-rardi all righteously pissed.

Some I'll admit have my sides fairly splitting
Especially the ones that I know are quite fitting.
Like BO-ris ZO-wadny and LA-rry ZY-dell
DUane MButha, their names fit them well.

LO-la CO-rbit, LU-ann SH-erman, HO-ward MO-rrison
WA-lter NK-ata, AN-dre US-tinov all have an apt acronym.

To both PO-llys working here fate has been cruel.
One's last name is OP-fer, the other O'T-oole.
I gently remind them how worse they would feel.
If they'd married guys whose last name was O'N-eal.

CA-rmine CA-rmona ,CR-aig AP-pley I pity
Who can blame them if their attitude's shitty.
For DU-dley NG-uyen I feel sorry too.
To SH-erman IT-achi apology's due.

I hear CL-ara IT-o's retained an attorney
Also JU-ne GS-chwind, *PU-rline TA-te, TI-naTS-cherne
PU-rity BE-nnet, TW-yla AT-kins too;
If I don't change their sign on names they will sue.

No one likes the user name that they've been saddled with
Except for some perverted old guy who's glad his parents named him JI-m SM-ith.