I ran out of ideas for this parody
Each one that I started was wrong
I guess my ideas were limited, and
This song is too darn long
Then I had this brainwave
I'll pinch an idea or two
I've heard that that's what Dylan
Yes, Bob himself would do
So read on, Macduff, and find out
If there's lyrics here you know
See if I can hear you shouting out
Hey! Plagiarism ho!

See, Puff the tragic drag act
Well, he lived in LA
And frolicked dressed in women's clothes
Over in the USA
But the tabloid papers
Finally had enough
Well, what do you expect if you've
A stupid name like "Puff"?
I'll bet this ain't the only song
Which scans enough to go
So I'll find one that'll make you say
Hey! Plagiarism ho!

Now I met an Asian woman
She cooked for me one day
She drove her car right over to me
But a cat got in her way
She thinks that any grub is good grub
So she made a scrape suzette
And she looked at me as I took a bite 'n' said
You ate somebody's pet
(I didn't write that one, but
It's one of the best, you know
So I'm hoping Claude ain't screaming out now
Plagiarism Ho!)

You have learned to use the Force
Since that last time we met
But kid, I gotta tell you that
You ain't a Jedi yet.
We can both destroy the Emp'ror
He has seen it can be done,
Then we'll rule the place together
As Skywalker and Son!
(Thank you Steve, I love that one
I like "New Orcs" more, though
But that one simply wouldn't scan
into Plagiarism Ho)

Like a maze within a tangle,
Like a birdnest on a reel
Getting spattered by some bug juice
Oh how awful that must feel!
Like a tumbleweed in Yuma,
Or a twister in the night
All mucked up by heavy rainfall
And then blinded by headlights
(And all the things that splatter
As the wind and rain doth blow
On the windshield of Royce's mind
Come Plagiarism Ho!)

It's been a hard knight's day
And I've been jousting with a lance
It's been a hard knights day
Now there's a big hole in my pants
You know it's real hard work rescuing
Damsels in distress
And it might be really helpful if I weren't
Wearing a metal dress
(Well, I know what you're thunkin'
'Cause I know you ain't that slow
This one's gonna make Rick Duncan shout
"Plagiarism Ho!")

We strip, you get a peep show.
Turn smart deals and much more.
Your pet dealing with fleas and ticks?
As the spam begins to soar.
Find no annoyance greater,
Will these fillers ever fail.
That my space is first and mostly,
Turnin' spam in my email.
(And I'm feeling kind o' thankful
To master Guy DiRito
For having the only name to rhyme with
Plagiarism Ho!)

I stare at you in that petri
I slice you half-way with a blade
Two heads grow - now that's so nifty
Now two - a new one's made
Flatworms are like an addiction
With them I've formed quite a bond
And I like to say tubelleria
And skim that, skim that pond
(So Meriadoc and Planarian
May wag their tails of woe
Encysting that it's been stolen
Hey! Plagiarism ho!)

Someone said that she's got eggs,
Loves to make an omelette
But she won't eat them rotten, no
Doesn't want to vomit
And now she's servin breakfast,
'Cause that's how she gets paid
And she also owns a chicken coop,
Well, that's how she gets laid
(Somewhere between ZZ Top
And Jeff Reuben's corny toe
No-one'll have to egg him on
To plagiarism ho!)

Yes, I could go on forever
Ripping off amiright folk
But I guess it's already wearing thin
My plagiaristic joke
All these people that I mention
Hope it doesn't take them long
To read my pilfered lyrics
And pick out their own song
Right now I guess I'll finish up
I can tell it's time to go
So now, I know they're calling me
The 'Plagiarism Ho'