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Song Parodies -> "If I Were A Newspaper"
Original Song Title:
"If I Were A Carpenter"
(MP3)Original Performer:
Bobby Darin
Parody Song Title:
"If I Were A Newspaper"
Parody Written by:
Stuart McArthur
The Lyrics
every newspaper, every day, sheesh....hurry up, nine months!
If I were a newspaper
and I had a page free
I'd fill it up with stuff
about Britney's baby
The public has had enough
of Dubya and Cheney
they want the inside guff
...on Britney's baby
Trash that piece on income tax - and Prince Charles's lady
this just in: the latest facts - about Britney's baby
If I were a corporate wizz
or a cleaner of dunnies
I would want recent pics
of Britney's tummy
If I were a carpenter
nobody would blame me
if I took a half-hour break
to google that baby
from New York to East Xiaoping – not a soul unhappy
everyone's imagin-ing - Britney and nappies
everyone says "Go Britney!" (please make it snappy)
and I had a page free
I'd fill it up with stuff
about Britney's baby
The public has had enough
of Dubya and Cheney
they want the inside guff
...on Britney's baby
Trash that piece on income tax - and Prince Charles's lady
this just in: the latest facts - about Britney's baby
If I were a corporate wizz
or a cleaner of dunnies
I would want recent pics
of Britney's tummy
If I were a carpenter
nobody would blame me
if I took a half-hour break
to google that baby
from New York to East Xiaoping – not a soul unhappy
everyone's imagin-ing - Britney and nappies
everyone says "Go Britney!" (please make it snappy)
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Voting Results
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Voting Breakdown
The following represent how many people voted for each category.
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| 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 5 | 28 | 28 | 28 |
User Comments
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You've given birth...to a great parody, Stuart...555
Oops! You've done it again!
Another gem, Stu........5's
i couldn't agree more...5s
Well, she IS easier on the eyes than Chaney and W =)
Here's all the fives that's fit to vote.
Good take on the banality of "journalism."
Good adaptation, but I do hope you are being sarcastic!
thanks AFW, Leo, Rick C, alvin, Jeff (but so is Bubbles the chimp)...
thanks Johnny, thanks John B, thanks 2Eagle (my preamble will leave you in no doubt)
thanks Johnny, thanks John B, thanks 2Eagle (my preamble will leave you in no doubt)
A rolled-up newspaper to her head would be nice! 555, Stuart!
but I don't think there's anything up there to register the pain, Rod - thanks :)
Ironic, since Britney doesn't read newspapers, or anything else. Neither does Dubya, and he's proud of it.
so Dubya misses out on Britney's baby, Michael?....hmm, maybe he's gone so far stupid, he's gone all the way around to smart again
As the real father of Britney's baby, I object to this parody. 555
......(sniff)......are you sure it was you, Kristof???
(...but how could she lie to my face like that?)
(...but how could she lie to my face like that?)
Thanks for making up for Kevin Spacey missing this song out of his 'Beyond The Sea' movie on Darin!
thanks pickle - I didn't know about that movie, but glad I could help :)
No, you don't understand, Stuart: Dubya doesn't read newspapers (or much else), but he watches TV. That's how he finds out about Britney. When 9/11 happened, giving him the chance to make millions of people forget what a lousy "president" he was, he decided he'd had the Best Week Ever! (I don't know if you get VH1 down there, but our American readers will get the joke.)
hi stewy and i was wondering why u r not responding to the hilaryh8er thing on avril and hilary please check it thnx
thanks Michael, thanks hilaryh8er....
(ABC) Still as funny and pointed as a conehead.
(ABC05)Good, also semi-sweet. 5's
thanks Leo
thanks Adagio - but to use the word "sweet" in any form about this parody is to misunderstand my bitter intentions ;-)
thanks Adagio - but to use the word "sweet" in any form about this parody is to misunderstand my bitter intentions ;-)
No, no, no, Stu, I did not misunderstand your message. I called it semi-sweet, because the OS itself lent a gentleness which you wouldn't want. (I'm always affected by the OS itself).
ABC - If i had a newspaper, it would endorse this parody
I've done the occasional satire on the press and tabloid "journalism", so I can really appreciate this one :-)
(ABC05) DKTOS, but was amusing.
(I-05) I'm seldom at a loss for words on a parody but everyone has taken all the Britney puns I could think of. Let's just hope Britney isn't "Makin' babies all the time".
(ABC) Any song that says "The public has had enough of Dubya and Cheney" HAS to get all 5's!
ABC--I don't give a damn about Britney or her baby...but I'm not ashamed to admit that I buy the celebrity gossip magazines like they're going out of style...so, I suppose that if I were a newspaper, I would do the same thing...
(ABC) I wonder if it's better to be a newspaper with Britney crap all over it, or a newspaper at the bottom of a cage with bird crap all over it... eh, either way... Tri-Fives.
What's black and white and red all over? Britney's baby upon realising it's father is Eminem! Amusing work, Stu. I've just started "Born: Now Change My Nappy" to the old Britney song "Born To Make You Happy"... 'old' being from 1999.
I'm still annoyed at Federline for claiming parenthood on little Trailertrash Jr.....but this is still way cool!
(ABC) Got newsprint? ARRRHHH, wash yer hands, matey! ;-)
(I) Missed this when it came out....your usual stellar work, even though I resent you google-ing...or ogle-ing...my future ex-wife. I'll let it slide this time :-)
future ex-wife - LOL!!
(ABC-I) Awesome spoof, Stu. However, if I had to choose between an article about Cheney and Dubya and an article about Britney, I would just flip to the comics. I don't hold either of them in high regard.
(ABC05) See above (Still wanna see Britney in nappies)
(ABC) Great song :-)
a trenchant comment on contemporay news values..
DKTOS, I guess the song is old news. But funny!
(ABC) DKTOS or singer, but this was a real good read.
hi
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