Kelp! i need some seaweed, Kelp! not just any seaweed,
Kelp! you know i need some, son, Kelp!

When i was a meat muncher, and also eating whey,
i never felt a need for greens in any way
Now those days are gone, i'm looking for a cure
Now i find my iodine from weeds grown at the shore

Eat kelp weed, just a gram is the right amount
unless you have radiation, then more is sound
Kelp weed helps you keep that goiter down
Don't use cheese, eat kelp weed

Some say my diet's strange in oh so many ways
but it's transcendent, keeps me free from aches & pains
Every now & then i feel a bit obscure,
i know that i need seaweed like i never have before

Don't use cheese, eat kelp weed, kelp weed, kelp weed, ooh