Well, I’ve got a cabinet bar
for the booze, holding my favorite brand now.
I take some out and prepare for libations—
that’s what is my whole plan now.
Then there’s palish glow splashing;
this hooch is of what I’m a fan now.

And that is Fun-Fun-Fun-Fundador,
which is my brandy today.
(Fun-Fun-Fundador; that brand’s OK!)

Well I swirl it faster
until it turns at a dervish pace now.
(At a dervish pace, a fast-swirling pace.)
The taste is rich, off-dry. . .love it;
lush, I—no bromide; hair-of-dog chase now.
(A hair-of-dog chase, a hair-of-dog chase.)
A lot my wife tries to snatch it
from my hands, but they form a safe place now.
(They form a safe place; now she calls me “disgrace!”)

So she says, “F*ck-f*ck-f*ck you!
I’ll take the van; like a bird, fly away!!”
Guns, guns, guns, the engine, gives me the bird, drives away.

Well I knew it was wrong,
rueful, bad to call her “irate shrew” now.
(I shouldn’t be snide, plowed; I shouldn’t be snide.)
But since she took that set of keys
there’s more drinking of Fundador to do now.
(Not good to my bride now, not good to my bride.)
So I’ll get drunk and watch TV,
set the dial to a channel that’s blue now;
my eyes open wide now, my eyes open wide. . .

and watch ’em f*ck-f*ck-f*ck—
it’s so randy on the channels for pay. . . .