It's the most miserable time of the year
There's no gifts to be wrapped cause for cash you are strapped
Your account's in arrears,
It's the most miserable time of the year.

It's the unhappiest season you know
Without a snow blower your neighbor keels over
Drops dead shov'ling snow,
It's the unhappiest season you know.

There's that man oh so jolly "Ho Ho there Miss Holly"
"Why don't you come sit on my lap?"
Behind the white beard, Mister Claus is quite weird,
Truth is Santa's a dirty old chap!

It's the most dangerous time of the year
While wives do gift shopping the men go bar hopping
"Don't wreck the car dear!"
It's the most dangerous time of the year.

There's a mistletoe maiden who stands and awaits
A sweet kiss with a gentle caress.
You then make a move that she doesn't approve,
"Get your hands out from under my dress!"

It's the most miserable time of the year
Two gay lovers go skating, a girl's heart is breaking
Her husband turned queer,
It's the most miserable time,
Yes the most miserable time,
Oh the most miserable time,
Of the year!