If I straight told my tale to you, you'd say it's absurd
Somethin' you'd find in a cartoon produced while smokin' herb
A little out there, but I swear it's the total truth
So please stop askin' me how much alcohol I drank
I was in this age-old house, feet found a crack, I tripped
Slammed right into a wall and the roof began to shift
Fell right on my face and I ended up squished
Roof fell on my face and I ended up squished

You'd think that I would die, but I'm here toda-ay
I'm a little flat like a cartoon, I've been pressed do-own (oh)
Now only an inch high (oh), that's my current fa-ate (oh)
Isn't much fun, man, when you find that you've been pressed do-own
I'm pressed do-own

I gotta tell ya, man, bein' this flat is ten kinds of suck
Like, I'm no longer able to reach shelves as high as the bottom one
So long to shuffle round my place, let alone the town, shit
I need help to eat or drink anythin', at least I can still digest stuff
Thinkin' of tryin' pumpin' me to re-inflate, though
'Fraid no hose blown in nose, throat or whatever will work, no
That's not in the sense of me knowin' just what will happen
I'm just worried that I'll end up as a damn pool toy, stop laughin'
Life-life sucks as of late cause I ended up squished
Whole roof on my face so I ended up squished

Round like a pizza, I'm starin' into spa-ace
Kind of a huge drag, wish that I was never pressed do-own (oh)
I'm feelin' real cramped, right (oh), I can't stretch my fra-ame (oh)
You try bein' flat, find an anvil, go get pressed do-own

Really is the pits, only got myself to blame
Have to use the fingertips of one hand to type which is lame
Although even though my gaze is locked straight up, at least my face
Isn't squooshed flat, I couldn't eat nothin', yeah
Could say there's benefits like the money and the fame
But I don't agree with it, don't want the stigma of "freak", mate
All the Goomba comments grate, so close to goin' full insane
Can't change clothes, so my stench is disgustin', yeah

Look like a flesh coin, I miss my human sha-ape
Might've been half flab, that's better than bein' pressed do-own (oh)
More cures that I could try (oh), scared of how they'll pla-ay (oh)
Could end up worse, man, so I'll stick to bein' pressed do-own

Situation's shit, no good points 'bout it, nothin'
Hate how my poor butt gets dragged on the floor, raw rubbin'
Should've watched my steps, should know I would hit somethin'
Made sure my coffee drinks weren't the cause of growth stuntin'
Look ridiculous so I'm overcome with shame
Get all my food ordered in, avoidin' any public space
I'm the only one to blame for my absurdly stupid state
Least now there's no way I could be runnin', yeah