I hear them crawling, can feel that they're near
Infiltrating my place
They're under every creaking floorboard
I can hear them, they're in my kitchen
As numerous as grains of sand, a friggin' lot
There's cockroaches, flies, spiders, what have you
They crawl all over, want them gone
Exterminator's on his way in his old white van
To deal with these bugs for good

Hear them scuffling ev'ry night
They are gonna break my mind
All these cobwebs cannot lie
House is full of insect life

Spiders are arachnids, I know, don't crack wise
That is not the point, you schmoe

I've got bugs in my living place
I've got bugs invading my space
Lots of bugs in my living place
Lots of bugs, they might eat my face

They can squeeze under ev'ry door
Thoughts of bugs fill up my mind
Never had this volume before
One or two, not a damn hive

Can't you hear them creeping, that you can't deny
There's a spider in my soap

I've got bugs in ev'ry damn place
I've got bugs ev'ry size and shape
Lots of bugs that I cannot shake
Lots of bugs eating up the place

There's a van coming up the drive
Exterminator's arrived
It'll take a month or five

They found bugs in my living place
They found bugs eating all my cake
They found bugs stinking up the place
They found bugs, now they'll be erased

Those damn bugs kicked me out today
Those damn bugs are a greedy race
Lots of bugs, they shall die today
It's a bug genocide, hooray