That's lethal, don't be silly
Spit that immediately
It's not a friggin' binky (dumbass)
Stupid (stupid), dumb (dumb), huge twit
I know toddlers will find anythin' and then eat it
But then I didn't believe it (it's not safe)

Young man, that stuff's not for eatin' (oh-oh-oh)
Got dirt in each crack and crease (crack and crease)
Found it on the floor? Should be leavin' (oh-oh)
If you cough and hack, can't put blame on me (on me)
Not on irregular sweepin' (I do good sweeps)
Should know better, that stuff is reekin' (it smells bad)
Got brains up there (hey), be thinkin' (oh-oh-oh-oh)
That on floor-found crap, you should not be feastin' (don't be stupid)

No, I'm not overreacti-in' (oh-oh)
That's got a ton of germs packed in (packed in)
Look, mate, shouldn't have to explai-ai-ain (mate)
Eatin' not-food is insa-a-ane
I'm not kiddin', that's lethal, at least will enfeeble
Not a challenge, you dense git, don't you go get a refill
If you want, I'll make lunch, tell me what kind of food's your fav'rite
Whatever makes you stop scrapin' unknown items off the floor (eugh)
I do abhor (uh)
When anybody eats things that gross (gross)
That's lethal, don't get how you're not chokin' (cough)
I'm beggin' you, plea-ease (hey), tell me you're jokin' (you're jokin')

Young man, that crap's not for eatin' (oh-oh-oh)
It's caked in expi-ired grease (age-old grease)
If I ate that crap, I'd be heavin' (oh-oh)
Put it in the trash, not between your teeth (your teeth)
Don't have an actual reason (none I can see)
For all of your from-the-floor feedin' (it's just sad)
Covered in hair (hey), it's stinkin' (stupid) (oh-oh)
I'm pretty (dumb) sure that one lump was a beetle (huge twit) (you're so stupid)

Not just grime and dirt, seen you tryna chug that Drano (yeah)
You don't know, man, that drain cleaner is a big no?
I'm shocked I don't find you there on the floor, bro
Your pants filled with crap, straight dead, so (you dope)
I'm yellin' "Please stop!" when you crack the below-sink doors (uh)
And you still eyeball the Harpic, how are you that slow (yeah)?
You been sippin' it on the side? Might have killed your
Neurons just a smidge, little bit, you're a big dope (true-true)
Seen more common sense in Larry, Curly and Moe (wow)
Don't slurp anythin' cause it's bottled or canned, no (wow)
Your eyes roll like I don't know what I say, dope
That's lethal, put down the fly spray, bro (stop)

Young man, that shit's not for drinkin' (oh-oh-oh)
Turn on your brain, cause it's bleach (friggin' bleach)
Your intestines don't need much cleanin' (oh-oh)
You look really mad sippin' on that, please (dude, please)
Don't say I'm "bossy" or "bitchin" (listen to me)
Do this cause I don't want you heavin' (stop it, man)
Don't drink that Nair (hey), you dimwit (oh-oh) (dimwit)
Not hard to read the warnin's, it's real simple (don't be stupid)

I've seen you eatin'
Bits of plastic, even
That's worse than food that's left to rot, buddy (to rot, buddy)
Stop snackin' on those Lego blocks, buddy (those Lego blocks, buddy)
M-Must be kiddin' me, sick of bein' your saviour (you dimwit) (oh-ooh-ooh)
When it comes to what you eat, don't think that shit has flavour (zero)
Don't chew on my good shoes, you dope, was gonna wear those later (those later)
And also your stomach won't break down that shit you're cravin' (cravin')
If you were a kid, like four or five, I'd get it, maybe (fine) (oh-ooh-ooh-oh)
Honestly that kinda pushes it, a year-old baby (ha)
Sad I have to say this, but you are not those ages ('fraid now) (oh-ooh-ooh)
That's lethal, twit, for a fifty-year-old, good gracious (yeah)

Dumb man, that ain't for consumin' (oh-oh-oh)
It's not edible, trust me (just trust me)
I didn't think you were this stupid (oh-oh)
But you proved it, man, bark chips in your teeth (your teeth)
I don't get how you're still livin' (it escapes me)
You immortal? Soul sold or somethin' (tell me, man)?
Wait, I don't care (hey), don't spill it (oh-oh)
Just promise that you'll stop snackin' on needles (you're so stupid)

Ooh-oh-oh
Ooh, ooh, oh-oh, got poor taste (hey)
Ooh-ooh-ooh-oh-oh
Ooh, ooh, oh-oh
Ooh-ooh-ooh-oh-oh
Ooh, ooh, oh-oh