*Contractor*
Contractor’s lazy? (Ain’t) doing jack for pay?
Throwback is here, to Tim Taylor days
(I will) build your ballroom, ground to outer space
Save your hair --- ’cause I don't care what you’re gonna pay

*Client*
Huh.

*Contractor*
(Because I'm handy)
Drop a line if you need some new shingles on your roof
(Because I'm handy)
Drop a line if your kitchen's needing that extra oomph
(Because I'm handy)
Drop a line if a shark finds its way into your pool
(Because I'm handy)
Drop a line if your toilet chokes on a number two

Here comes bad news, talking legal crap (Yeah!)
Well, give me union breaks, a lunch and seven snacks (Yeah!)
Well, I should probably warn you it’s a steep fine (Yikes!)
It‘s 200 bucks, don't waste your dimes
Here's why

(Because I'm handy)
If it rains in your house, due to termite, reindeer hooves
(Because I'm handy)
Guy next door drives his car and totals your living room
(Because I'm handy)
Drop a line if you need a game room to play some pool
(Because I'm handy)
Want a big IMAX screen and watch a good flick or two?

*Client*
Oh, Come on!
What?!

(Handy)
Movie screens
For Ball games
(Handy)
Who’s this dude?
His rates are too high
(Handy)
Here’s my card
I’m Nathan
(Handy)
Here’s my card
Call me (Leave my f**king house!)
(Handy, handy, handy handy)
Here’s my card
Fax friendly
(Handy, handy, handy handy)
Here’s my card
My rates aren’t too high
(Handy, handy, handy handy)
Pin it down
On your fridge
(Handy, handy, handy handy)
Pin my card, I said

(Because I'm handy)
If you’re lawn’s lacking green or it reaches to your roof
(Because I'm handy)
If you’re ex…pecting soon or you just need one more room
(Because I'm handy)
Find out what, Mr. Jones, my services mean to you
(Because I'm handy)
If I may, I will on…ly work for a buck or two

(Because I'm handy)
BBB certified, so you know I speak the truth
(Because I'm handy)
I can do way more things than I can fit in this spoof
(Because I'm handy)
Drop a line via phone, fax, email or, hell, YouTube
(Because I'm handy)
Instagram, Twitter, Face-nope, MySpace will have to do

*Client*
Hey! Go! Leave!

(Handy, handy, handy handy)
Here‘s my card... I‘m Nathan...
(Handy, handy, handy handy)
Here‘s my card... I‘m such a nice guy...
(Handy, handy, handy handy)
Here‘s my card... It‘s Nathan...
(Handy, handy, handy handy)
Here‘s my card, I said (Leave my f**king house!)

(Because I'm handy)
Name the task, I’ll be here with some plaster and some wood
(Because I'm handy)
Vila him-self said so, my work is obscenely good
(Because I'm handy)
I will work day or night, and holidays, Christmas, too (Ho, ho, ho!)
(Because I'm handy)
If my phone’s busy, then the snail mail’s effective, too

(Because I'm handy)
If termites leave you with just a room without a roof
(Because I'm handy)
Drop a line if your backyard's needing a barbecue
(Because I'm handy)
I can do way more things than I can fit in this spoof (Hey, hey, hey!)
(Because I'm handy)
I’m the best in the business, that’s a fact, that’s the truth

*Client*
Oh, C'mon!