[Squidward:]
I Played Some Jazz On A Clarinet,
To Show Kelpy G I Was Cool,
And When I Finally Got Better, Felt Ten Years Younger,
But It Was Something To Do.
I'm Living On Conch Drive, I Drive My Tricycle Just To Prove,
I Don't Need To Get Bothered, But I Work To Get Some Dollars,
And I Order Krabby Patties To Snooze.
But You Don't Want To Make Art Like Me,
Never Knowing Why You Paint Like Me,
You Don't Ever Wanna Just Leave Bikini Bottom,
And Go Someplace Else.
You Don't Wanna Meet Your Gang Like This,
Never Knowing Why You Play Like This,
You Don't Wanna Be Stuck Up On The Band Class,
Stuck Up On The Band Class.

Cause All I Know, Are Sad Songs. Sad Songs.
Squilliam, All I Know, Are Sad Songs. Sad Songs.

[Squilliam:]
Squidward, You Already Turned The Slot,
Can't Get Along With Old Neighbors.
Cause You Always Get Angry, When You Own A 5-Star Restaurant,
And You Can't Feed The Worms, No,
Cause They Chase You All Around,
And You Can't Find A Pet, No,
Cause How Angrier It Gets,
You Get Scared When It Makes That Sound.

[Squidward:]
But You Don't Want To Make Art Like Me,
Never Knowing Why You Paint Like Me,
You Don't Ever Wanna Just Leave Bikini Bottom,
And Go Someplace Else.
You Don't Wanna Meet Your Gang Like This,
Never Knowing Why You Play Like This,
You Don't Wanna Be Stuck Up On The Band Class,
Stuck Up On The Band Class.

Cause All I Know, Are Sad Songs. Sad Songs.
Squilliam, All I Know, Are Sad Songs. Sad Songs.

I Paid Some Money For The Customers, I Bought Some Food For Them, Of Course. All The Customers I Meet, All The Food They Got To Eat, And They Eat Like A Horse.
I Went To My Easter Island Head,
Between SpongeBob And Patrick's House,
I Had A Long Hard Week, I Guess They're Playing Hide And Seek,
Cause They Don't Know That I'm Quiet As A Mouse.

But You Don't Want To Make Art Like Me,
Never Knowing Why You Paint Like Me,
You Don't Ever Wanna Just Leave Bikini Bottom,
And Go Someplace Else.
You Don't Wanna Meet Your Gang Like This,
Never Knowing Why You Play Like This,
You Don't Wanna Be Stuck Up On The Band Class,
Stuck Up On The Band Class.

Cause All I Know, Are Sad Songs. Sad Songs.
Squilliam, All I Know, Are Sad Songs. Sad Songs.