I think it's so sad and it's so pitiful
How you lay in bed and moan as though your head's gonna explode
I rubbed your forehead twice and there's no fever
And there's certainly no Ebola!

You have a cold
It's just a cold
You're dying? Oh no!
But it is just a cold
But it is just a cold
It is just a cold
You're not dying; it is just a cold

You have a cold
It's just a cold
You're dying? Oh no!
But it is just a cold
But it is just a cold
It is just a cold
You're not dying; it is just a cold

I have a cold, too
But I'm in the groove
I am runnin' errands like normal
I am at the store
Although it's a chore
Are you going to need anything?

Anything besides
Chicken noodle soup
And a lifetime of Emergen-C?
Oh my God
Rest assured you're not dying; it is just a cold

I know that your nose is stuffed
And your throat's not up to snuff
But I promise you that
All you have now is a cold

You have a cold
It's just a cold
You're dying? Oh no!
But it is just a cold
But it is just a cold
It is just a cold
You're not dying; it is just a cold

You have a cold
It's just a cold
You're dying? Oh no!
But it is just a cold
But it is just a cold
It is just a cold
You're not dying; it is just a cold

Need to blow your nose?
Here are some tissues (blow!)
Just remember to throw them away
You want an ice pack?
I'll give you an ice pack
Put it on your head and take a nap

I will make you some
Chicken noodle soup
And a lifetime of Emergen-C
Oh my God
Rest assured you're not dying; it is just a cold

I know that your nose is stuffed (nose is stuffed)
And your throat's not up to snuff (up to snuff)
But I promise you that
All you have now is a cold

You have a cold
It's just a cold
You're dying? Oh no!
But it is just a cold
But it is just a cold
It is just a cold
You're not dying; it is just a cold

You have a cold
It's just a cold
You're dying? Oh no!
But it is just a cold
But it is just a cold
It is just a cold
You're not dying; it is just a cold

I insist that it's a cold, that it's a cold
I insist that it's a cold, that it's a cold
I insist that it's a cold, that it's a cold
I insist (you're not dying; it is just a cold)

I insist that it's a cold, that it's a cold
I insist that it's a cold, that it's a cold
I insist that it's a cold, that it's a cold
I insist (you're not dying; it is just a cold)

I have called your next of kin (your next of kin)
In case this cold does you in (does you in)
And I called our attorney
Who doesn't answer house calls

You have a cold
It's just a cold
You're dying? Oh no!
But it is just a cold
But it is just a cold
It is just a cold
You're not dying; it is just a cold

You have a cold
It's just a cold
You're dying? Oh no!
But it is just a cold
But it is just a cold
It is just a cold
You're not dying; it is just a cold

I insist that it's a cold, that it's a cold
I insist that it's a cold, that it's a cold
I insist that it's a cold, that it's a cold
I insist (you're not dying; it is just a col-old)